Luna Tail

Ooo these are not mine! I wish they were, of course! They are my Mom and Dad’s new floors.  Aren’t they gorgeous? Mom already had the new counter tops and maybe she found her faucets online, but it just makes me really want a new kitchen! I love hardwood floors. We had some under our carpet but it was ruined, to many foster dogs in and out of the house and the urine went right through the carpet.

But that’s okay, we have tile now and I love it!  Though wood, I think, looks warmer and more homelike. But still, I like our tile.

So these look great, don’t you think! I think the edging is nice too, and the bannisters on the stairway are awesome, they’ve been around for a while now though.

Such pretty floors!

I am still tired. A good thing to come back home to is, for sure, getting paid. Though I haven’t managed my checking accounts yet, or my savings accounts, to see how much money I have. I spent way too much on the trip. I started off good, and then I just blew it, so decided to just keep blowing it, which was probably a bad idea. Going out to dinner every night was a bit much. Even though it wasn’t every night. It was most nights.

The wine and beer were really good, though. And I’m starting to wake up. Tomorrow morning we are going camping, so I should have some fun pictures of camping. I hope so. Ugh. I’m still tired and I’m not making much sense.

I turned twitter off, since I won’t be getting phone service where we will be, either. Though I did kinda like the twitter posts!

Okay I have ordered a Mattress Topper. Was going to get one from Ikea, where I bought my Sultan Mattress, but I opted for Costco instead. I like the descriptions better. And doesn’t Ikea know that your online presence is critical? Information, people!

I even found a blog that has a review of it, it’s the Novaform Choices Topper. He likes it, I hope I will like it. I like this part of his review:

It converted my super hard mattress into a marshmallow.

That is what I’m hoping for, for my aching back and neck! Now I’m going to go sit on the couch with a heating pad and be a bum.

I am trying to get some things done… really I am. I got back from the flyball seminar yesterday about 5pm. And I’m dead tired today. I do wish I had more stamina… more energy.

See… I started this post, then 2 seconds later completely forgot about it, and now I’m back and remembered. LOL. This is going to be a short post, because I’m having a hard time concentrating on much of anything for any length of time. And I even slept for 9 hours last night. Ugh.

The townhouse we stayed in was better than the Las Vegas hotels I have stayed in in the past in Vegas… it was nice, and fun, and we had our own room! I will try to get up some pics of it in the next couple of days.

Is it nap time yet?

Well I’ve not taken any Trazodone for.. what.. four days now? Five? Maybe three? LOL I’ll have to look at my blog to find out because I have a rotten memory.

And while I feel lighter and my temperature feels cooler, my head still hurts quite a bit and I’ve been grumpy as hell for the last couple of days. Am I going through withdrawals? Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped cold turkey. Maybe I should go do some research about it on the internet. Hrm.. Maybe I should have done this a few days ago.

I have a low level anger, but it’s nothing like before I was on the Sertraline (I’m still on that, btw). But at the same time I don’t really care much about things. I can stare out the window and watch the clouds, which I love to do, and have the day pass more slowly, which I also love. I try to grab every minute of every day as it comes, because time just goes by way too fast anymore.

So I do feel better. If only my head would stop feeling like it’s 3 times the size it’s supposed to be. And I’m still tired, though not as badly as I was before. It’s 4:33 pm.. too late in the afternoon to take a nap? Maybe not. Maybe I will take a nap. I took one yesterday, and I felt better. I just love naps.

EDIT: Well, from the web, some places say Trazodone is not addictive and so you can’t have withdrawals. But many people seem to have withdrawals anyway. So I’m going to say yup, I’m having withdrawals from Trazodone and call it good. And I only stopped on the 22nd of Feb, so that’s only three days ago. The days have been going by so nice and slowly, and I am very happy with that!

Hopefully by this next weekend I’ll feel better.

Last night, as I laid in bed, I thought about breathing. Lately.. when I blog, when I work, when I dog train.. I forget to breathe. I don’t breathe deeply. I breathe very shallow and quick. And I have been wondering if, perhaps, this is one of the reasons I feel bad.

I am not concerned about our home owner insurance, but I am concerned about my health. So I’ve been trying to remember to breathe.

And I think I woke up this morning and I felt a little bit better. Every time I woke up last night, I would breathe. And today at work.. whenever I remembered (which wasn’t nearly enough) I breathed deeply and into my lower abdomen. I’ve still been trying to do so.

I need to look this up on the web.. do some research, maybe I’m oxygen deprived or something? I’m not sure, but I guess it could be possible.

For the last few months I have been feeling perpetually sick. I didn’t go to work this week on Tuesday or Wednesday because of feeling not well. Today I feel better, but these things still plague me and have probably since the onset of winter. Usually I feel off around November and December, but I pick up again by now and it hasn’t happened this year. Though I love the winter.. perhaps my body doesn’t like it as much as my mind.

• My neck aches and the chiropractor doesn’t seem to be helping it. It cracks when I move it and feels like there is a lot of pressure in there.
• My throat has a low grade scratchiness.
• My head is aching (probably due to my neck).
• My face, my sinuses, feel like they have a lot of pressure in them.
• I don’t have much energy, want to just lay around a lot.

The doctors think it’s allergies. But I feel the same with or without their allergy meds. They gave me Allegra and Nasacort. I haven’t used them in a month because I wanted to see if I had any difference. Nope.

I should go back to the Naturopath. She is one of the few doctors who actually listens and cares, and when I leave I usually end up feeling better. However, she is expensive and I just sent $2,800.00 to my American Express card for the Cruise and other frivolous things I shouldn’t have bought, but do enjoy… so I am a bit broke for a while.

Anyway, I know the lack of motivation and tiredness probably are due a lot to my Zoloft. But I swear last summer and fall I didn’t feel this bad, and I was on the Zoloft then, too.

Ugh.

Life really is being relaxing for me, now. And there is not much on TV, so I haven’t been watching much. And the server has moved, I do have to do a couple of cleanup things but it’s basically all done.

Dog training is an ongoing process, and will be so throughout my life. Which is good.

So… when I have nothing to do, I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s really weird. I no longer have anything to worry about in life.. my husband and I are doing well, the dogs are healthy (knock on wood), my family is going strong.

So sometimes I just don’t know how to deal with the silence. I like the silence. I like to relax. I like not having messy codependency and rotten relationships in my life. Now I can really focus on going forward, advancing in those things I care about, instead of just getting out of bed in the morning and struggling through the day.

It’s like when society goes beyond just hunting and gathering and surviving, and is able to develop culture and art and science, and have leisure time.

The Alanis Morissette Song comes to mind:
“Why are you so Petrified of Silence.
Here can you handle this…

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines, when you think you’re gonna die. Did you long for the next distraction?”

And so now I learn how to relax. How to have culture and art and science.. and relax. And the days go on. And maybe I can find some Pigeon Forge cabins in my future, if I decide that is where I want to go.

Speaking of going, I’m going to be going to the Clicker Expo in Los Angeles, leaving tomorrow. I may or may not be able to blog from there. I’ll be busy, I’m sure. But I do hope to bring my laptop. I’ll be back late Sunday!

Okay I have done a couple of things today on the blogs… to get them caught up. I found a new skin, what do you think? I like it.. I think. I’ll leave it on for a day or two. But I think it represents me. Sunshine and Night. I love them both. Night time is my safe time. I love the dark.

And I have a new flickr plugin too, as you can see by this picture. I got my new Olympus camera, too, digital SLR, and as soon as I figure it out more I’ll post more pictures from it, too!

Now it’s time to get off the computer for a while.. and watch some TV, maybe get some mesothelioma but since I really don’t know what it is, I better go check it out! G’Night!

My goodness! I am not only behind here, I’m also behind on Pixie Tail and Tatum Tot, too. Because of doing so many upgrades. Hrmph. And so I’m going on about it which I probably shouldn’t do… but I have to say, I need to update my sidebar… it’s a mess. And I still have to install half, or more, of my plugins! There’s always something to do!

Anyway, I have to go to the store tonight and buy a Compact Flash card for my new camera. It came yesterday. Wow, only took 3 days. I just ordered it last Thursday! And no card.. so off I go to buy one tonight.

I’m still tired, don’t want to clean much at home… do dishes, or vacuum or mop. We need a dyson vacuum, as we’ve heard they are the best for dog hair. But with all our tile, we only vacuum downstairs anymore. I’ve heard that the Dyson Animal is the best for picking up animal hair, and a couple of my friends have them. They really like them a lot. Looks like these guys have a few different listings for the Dyson Animal, I’m going to check out the differences and see what they are.

Time for bed yet?