Luna Tail

I went and, finally, downloaded a Podcast Receiver today… been wanting to listen to some Radio West podcasts and I keep forgetting to get them.

I downloaded Ziepod. I used Juice a while ago, but I liked the look of Ziepod and I also like how I can minimize it to just a bar on the desktop… kinda like winamp. Though I like the name, and the lemon, on Juice better.

So far so good for Ziepod. And I got to listen to the podcast I’d been hoping to for a while. In Defense of Food with Michael Pollan. I see his book, An Omnivore’s Dilemma, is for sale as an audiobook. I am going to have to see if I can rent it from the library.

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Druid (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-15
Constitution-14
Intelligence-12
Wisdom-14
Charisma-13

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good —– XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Neutral Good —- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
Chaotic Good —- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
Lawful Neutral — XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
True Neutral —- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Lawful Evil —– XXXXXXXX (8)
Neutral Evil —- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaotic Evil —- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)

Law & Chaos:
Law —– XXXXXX (6)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXX (9)
Chaos — XXXXXXXXX (9)

Good & Evil:
Good —- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Evil —- XX (2)

Race:
Human —- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Dwarf —- XXXXXX (6)
Elf —— XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Gnome —- XXXXXXXX (8)
Halfling - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Half-Orc - XX (2)

Class:
Barbarian - (-2)
Bard —— (0)
Cleric —- (-6)
Druid —– XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Fighter — XXXX (4)
Monk —— (-21)
Paladin — (-21)
Ranger —- XX (2)
Rogue —– (-2)
Sorcerer — (-2)
Wizard —- (-4)

So my friend at work yesterday was asking me some questions he thought would trip me up. But you see, I know myself pretty well and I know what I want out of life.

I am 40 years old now and I can, potentially, retire in 6 years. I’ll have 25 years in with the state, I’ll have to use my 401k to buy out 5 years, and then I’ll get 60% of my income as my pension.

So he asks me if I got $1 million a year right now to change jobs, but the caveat was I had to work until I was 60 years old, would I do it?

Would you?

He is 52 years old so he would take it right away, as he’d only have 8 more years to work. Me, however, I would have to work 20 more years. Sure, I’d be rich as hell, but in money only. Not as a human.

No amount of money would keep me working until I’m 60 years old. The more important things to me are quality time with my husband, my family, and my dogs. I would rather struggle with money and do the things I am passionate about, rather than work my whole life away. Neither my husband nor I value work all that much. I value personal growth, learning, loving and living life. And work does not figure into that. Sure I value my work, I enjoy my work, I love my coworkers and friends I have here. But I resent having to go to work 40 hours a week every week, work for ‘the man’ and not have the time for myself. I’m spoiled rotten and I know it.

And that’s why, too, I can’t be angry at my husband for not working. I really don’t care if he works or not. I do want us to have the income I have become accustomed to. Because, again, I’m spoiled rotten and I want to be able to do all the dog things I still do. And we need health insurance, of course.

When I am 90 and can no longer run with my dogs, I want to sit back on my comfy couch and reflect on my life, and know that I did exactly what I was passionate about doing. Work does not fall into that category. Because you know, we can’t take money with us. Maybe we can take our love and our passions with us. I hope we have a soul that will go onto something else when we die. And maybe, just maybe, that soul will have memories of all the wonderful things I did, and the amazing people I knew.

At night I think about my story. My book. I have it 80% complete in my head. I think it’s a very good story and is, of course, something I am passionate about. It includes magic, my dogs, some gorgeous men, and a woman who is figuring herself out and finding her confidence.

This morning laying in bed I came up with a part of the story where the main character, Alyx, finally realizes her own strength. She is the most powerful mage in the land, and finally she accepts that inside herself. And it got me to thinking about how I am, and why I am not more confident in my own abilities.

Not perfect, mind. Being codependent I have this stupid fixation on perfection. But being strong and skilled and talented do not mean being perfect. I am a flawed human. At the same time, I can be good at things. And I can admit it to myself.

I never have admitted it to myself before.

I love to write. I believe I’m good at it. Good enough to get a novel published? I don’t know. Maybe I will self publish. I don’t really care either way. But I love stories and I love to write almost as much as I love my dogs. Oh wait! Let me ask that again… good enough to get a novel published? YES! And why not believe it? It can’t hurt. Won’t break my heart or destroy me if I never get published. The thing about that is writing can be so fickle. Is there a right way or a wrong way? If you go to school they will tell you yes. If you ask J.K. Rowling, she might tell you you are wrong. She never went to school. I’m not saying I’m as good… okay, well, maybe I am!

I have always had this nagging doubt inside me. I can’t be at the top. Can’t be good enough. I don’t know why I have this doubt. But it holds me back. I do think I have the potential to be one of the top agility handlers here in Utah. I think Chase, my border collie, has the potential to be one of the best dogs. I don’t want to go to nationals or be on the World Team, but I want to be good. And why not?

I have to get rid of this nagging doubt. I want to admit to myself that yes, I am good. I can be good. I want to be good. Go away you stupid voice that keeps saying no, I’ll never be good enough. GO FREAKING AWAY!

I want that swirl of magic as I finally learn to channel all the power I possibly can, and control it, then bring it down and not be wiped out by it. I miss my magic. I believe I once had magic, but don’t in this world. In this world, logically, there will always be someone better than me, as well as someone worse than me. So I won’t be the most powerful mage here. Or the best handler. But I can be good. I can, in fact, be very good, if I let myself.

It’s been about a week now and I can only find two of the crabbies. I am pretty sure one is under the substrate molting… I won’t worry for a little bit, but I am worried just a tiny amount. There are a lot of holes in the sand, and some piles, where I think, hope, that the crab has gone down into.

They seem okay… though they don’t do much during the day. I hope they move around more at night. The temperature and humidity are holding steady. I hope they are happy. How do you know if a hermit crab is happy?

I had a hermit crab dream last night. I’ll let you click on the link to read about it on my dream diary. It was an interesting dream, not really good, not really bad, just kinda fun.

I like the size of my hermit crabs. I don’t want them to get any bigger, though I do realize they will be getting bigger in the future, as they molt.

And speaking of molting, I do think one of the crabs has gone under the sand to molt. I haven’t seen her in a few days, and there are piles of sand that have been built up. I have seen the other two crabs frequently, though.

They are such fun little guys, and my coworkers are helping me keep them safe and happy, too!

Well just a quick note. I’m in Overton, Nevada this week and my friends are taking care of the hermit crabs. And from what I hear all is well and they are happy. There is a white fuzzy thing in the aquarium, which may or may not be mold, but I’ll check it out when I get back.

Me and the boys are having fun here in Nevada!

Well the crabs are in their new, permanent, home. I think they are happy. Humidity is staying up, Temp is steady. they cruised around a bit this morning but now are resting, fighting, or being more mellow. To the left is a picture of the crabitat. To the right is a picture of a crab in the back of the tank. I cannot tell the crabs apart, I wonder how people do that! They look very similar to me and I don’t know if more than one of them has switched shells.

Well they are cuties for sure. I am actually going out of town tomorrow for a week, so my friends are going to help take care of them until I get back. I wrote them a big long email and showed them the ropes, so I think these three guys will be fine.

I will try to post while I am gone, but I might miss a bit!

Here they are! I have to head out, they are safe in their temporary home until they get into their big home tomorrow. The humidity and temperature are good. They are very lively. One already switched shells, another is checking out the coconut hut. They are so curious and adorable!