Luna Tail

I’ve been having bad PMS this month.. could be because I have missed a couple of days of my sertraline. Or it could be that I’ve been doing too much (yet again) and not giving myself enough down time. Today was nice, I got to sit at work all day. I swear when I retire I’m going to be going full speed all the time and even my down days at home are gonna be weird! But that’s not for a while so I needn’t even think about it!

It’s Day 25, I think. And the closer that number gets to 28, the worse I get. I want to eat everything in sight, mainly chocolate. Premenstrual Syndrome is just no fun at all. My body hurts, I’m grumpy, and sometimes I even feel like my whole life is falling apart. Even though, logically, it is just fine.

Ugh. I need a nap.

I really am unable, it seems, to stop eating food that is in front of me. In example, I ate a frozen dinner today for lunch… easy to prepare and it’s a limited amount. Ate it all. Then I got the munchies, which I often do. And usually I get the munchies for something sweet or salty. Usually sweet like chocolate. But I’m trying to be good, and I figure every little choice where I’m good helps, even if it’s just a little, so I pulled out the 1lb bag of baby carrots I brought.

Sitting at my desk working… focusing on the computer, and before I know it the whole bag is gone! Well, the plastic remains, I don’t eat that. LOL. But I eat every bit in the bag. It’s not like I can eat a few then put it away. I eat ‘em all, even if, when I’m done, I feel a bit sick.

I think my eating has a huge tie with my anxiety. Especially now… this time of the month, it’s Day 22. I feel more anxiety and so I eat because I want to make the anxiety go away.

It amazes me at how powerful the feeling… the taste, of food is in the mouth. It is so intense… sweet or salt or sour. It’s like the mouth, I swear, should be our major sexual organ since it’s so sensitive and we are sticking food in it all day long. At least three times a day. I can so understand why people have such a hard time with food and eating. Why it can become such an addiction, or avoidance. It’s intense and extreme. I’m dang lucky for the metabolism I have, or I’d probably be 500 pounds easy.

Anyway, so it’s been hard for me lately, and going out to eat with tons of food on my plate is very hard for me to avoid. Maybe I just need to section a bit off and only eat that. But I’m not sure I’d be able to do that, either. Hrmph.

Gads… anxiety city. Yuck. I went to the Chiropractor today and spent three hours there. Well, I guess two and a half, but still. While I was there it wasn’t a big deal. He is a N.U.C.C.A. Chiropractor. He was recommended by a friend.

Unfortunately, my insurance probably won’t cover it. So it could end up being expensive. And the two and a half hours just frazzled me. They took a lot of x-rays to see where I’m off, and then he adjusted me accordingly. My neck isn’t too bad but it’s bad enough to be causing me a whole bunch of nasty neck and back pain. And I do have to admit to myself how badly it has been hurting. Popping and cracking and I can hardly bend over at my back.

But still, if I didn’t have my sertraline as a crutch, I think I’d be a mess. I feel like I want to crawl in a hole. Why all the anxiety about this? Well, it’s a different place, for one. And for another I hate admitting that I feel bad physically. And third, the money is freaking me out, too. We don’t have that much how with my Husband not working, so we have to be tight. Plus Lucy might have a blockage and might need surgery. I need to redo my budgeting and planning in order to make sure we can pay all the bills.

Gads, it all happens at once. I’m just glad that right now and for the next couple weeks I don’t have any dog trials going on. So I can try to relax and take it easy.

And as for the anxiety, sometimes it’s just there, and doesn’t have a logical reason. Even though it’s probably driven by my own thoughts in my head that I don’t even recognize are there, sometimes I think it’s emotion pure and simple and I just need to be okay with myself.

Finally, I sucked up my anxiety and called a chiropractor. I think some of it was I was waiting for the right one to come along. Or, it’s just my anxiety that has caused me to put it off. LOL. But I like the waiting idea better!

My neck has been crackling and popping since probably last August. Yeah, I am good at living through discomfort. And downright pain. I would say, now, my neck, shoulders and back are painful. And I need to have something done. The regular orthopedic doctor has no clue, been to him twice. I went to a regular chiropractor who popped and cracked me, but that didn’t seem to help either. This guy is a neck specialist and a friend recommended him so I have hopes that my neck will be better tomorrow afternoon!

I can only hope. As the day goes by my neck hurts more and more. And I can’t bend at my waist, either, because my lower back hurts. I hate pain. I hate doctors, too. But I guess I hate pain more. lol.

He’s not on my insurance, though, which sucks. But I want a good one from a recommendation, so hopefully this will be worth it. I’ll probably have to fill out a bunch of papers and do some paper signage and some digital signage while I’m there, I better get there early tomorrow. Ugh!

Yup, it’s true… I admit it, I have limits. Ugh. I hate having limits. I swear, when I was a kid in my teens and twenties, I didn’t have limits. Time went by very slowly and I could do everything I wanted and have time to spare. What happened to those days?

I guess work happened, and a house happened, and dogs and a husband and bills and other things. Ugh. Well, I have to admit that I have limits. The flyball tournament last weekend really took me out. I’ve managed to get to work each day though, and today I think I’m finally feeling better, but I feel like I’ve been really neglecting my house and yard. And my husband, too, though he hasn’t said anything about it.

This weekend is 3 days of agility again, but the following weekend I have off. I was going to go visit my friend in Richfield but I think I have to realize that my house and home needs me and I really need to stay home and do some yard work and house cleaning. Hrmph. I just hate having to realize I have limits and not do some things I want to do!

Oh well, such is life I guess. I have monetary limits, too. I want a new HD Camcorder and more flash memory but I can’t afford it now. So I have to just use the one I have. =P

Ugh.. I couldn’t sleep last night. I laid there until about 1am. I finally turned on the radio, NPR, and they were saying it was 7am GMT. And my befuddled brain was wondering if we were actually -7 GMT now, or -6 GMT because it’s daylight savings time here.

Either way, I think my body is telling me to take a break. Last weekend really was hard on me doing flyball. Last night I was hot all night, even with the swamp cooler running and my feet sticking out of the blankets. Usually I have to have the blankets tight up on me when the swamp cooler is on at night. But last night my husband felt my forehead and told me yup, I was extra hot.

Tonight I was supposed to go to agility practice, tomorrow obedience practice. But my stomach is not right, either… I’m a bit nauseous. I think I need to take the next couple of days off and rest. I didn’t get much sleep last weekend, or last week. And my body is showing the signs. I don’t want to break down and get full-blown sick, so I think I’m going to take it easy the next couple nights. As hard as that is, as I love my dog things!

And I am eating better. The 2 pounds I was up yesterday are already gone. Though maybe some Leptovox would help me… I really just need to eat better. More veggies, less junk!

Well, I’m doing rotten.. I did the ’see food’ diet last weekend and gained 2 pounds. Ugh!

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Welcome to the First Edition of the Weight Loss Meme. This is a group of women (but men are welcome, too) who have decided to get together and help support each other while losing that weight we’ve been meaning to get off for years. Sometimes you just need a hand to hold or someone to hold you accountable.

Here is the deal, each week when you weigh in you can send in your results to the moderator of the Meme (Leigh) and she will create a post once per week with everyone’s results. She will then e-mail the post to everyone who has signed up so they can post it as well. This way we all get support (not to mention added traffic). If you wish to join please leave a comment!

So, without further ado, here is this weeks results!

Chris - 2.0 gain
Tammy - 0 (just started this week! Welcome aboard)
Life With Hashi-Thyroid Blog - 2.0 gain
Grace - 0.8 loss
Leigh - 1.0 loss
Clara - 0 (no change from last weigh in)

Well, today is Day One. And every single month I forget how rotten I feel on days 20 through 28… and how much better I feel on day one. But I will feel even better tomorrow. My munchies have gone down a ton.. as I sit here on the laptop I don’t have a need to be stuffing crap into my mouth, like the whole bag of chips I ate, and got sick on, the other day. Getting my period changes all that. My sores heal, if I have any. My PMS goes away as my hormones balance out. It’s too weird and all I can do is sit in my body and feel the changes I go through every month.

I am super tired now… did agility and obedience today with Levi. Had a good time.. took a nap when I got home. And now my stomach is rumbling so I’ll go eat. But because I’m hungry, not because I feel so miserable that stuffing food in my mouth makes me feel better and distracts me from feeling awful.

I’m glad the next couple of weeks will be good ones! And maybe next month won’t be so bad.

This morning I went jogging. Finally. I’m having a really hard time eating better to lose weight… I keep just eating what I want, and it’s not helping me drop these 10 pounds I’ve recently gained. And I do like to jog, I just have been having anxiety about it lately. But maybe if I jog again, the calories will burn off more and I’ll feel better, too.

So Chase, Muffit and I went jogging this morning. We went about three miles. It was a gorgeous morning. A bit warm, but shorts and a tank top were perfect. And the dogs are sleeping peacefully now.

I still have no sound on my laptop, dangit. I need to fix that. Been thinking of redesigning, yet again, the Utah Dogs website. Maybe I’ll need more ram for my laptop and for the server… I seem to be using it all up.

I recently posted a comment on another blog and found out about Disqus, which is a commenting system you can sign up for and then apply a plugin to your wordpress blog.

I think I really like it. It’s like a community of commenters. the only thing I don’t like is that when I reply to comments, the commenter is not emailed directly about my reply unless they are a member of Disqus themselves. If they are not… if they are unverified, it’s called, then they don’t get a reply email.

Hopefully this will change soon. I have this commenting system on this blog, and my other blog, Tip Tail, to try it out.

My Disqus Profile is, I think, viewable by anyone. If you have problems with this commenting system please, please let me know. You don’t have to be registered with Disqus to comment, but if you do register you can claim all your comments and participate. It’s fun!

I am catching back up in sleep and energy after my trip to Colorado… it’s amazing how tiring a 10 hour drive can be. And, I’ve still gained some weight… ugh! So back to the Eat To Live plan I am going. I lost more weight eating like that than anything else. And being healthy means for life insurance no medical exam is needed.. or we can hope!