Luna Tail

Well that’s not anything new now is it? Bleh.  It hurts more again today than it did yesterday.

Yesterday I went, at 8am, and got an MRI and a CT scan to see what is up with my neck. DANG those are expensive. They had me sign a form saying that if insurance doesn’t cover it, that’s how much it’ll be. And it was over $1,400.  I think for each. And so my insurance better pay. And the car insurance… not my health insurance through work.  We’ll see how that goes. My my dang neck is not getting better, just worse really. And it’s actually kinda weird that so many people believe me that I’m not feeling good, even though I don’t have any physical proof.  But it’s nice, for a change, to be believed.

Anyway, so then after the MRI machine did it’s loud thing over me, I went to physical therapy. That is where I think my healing will come from. The physical therapist (she was really nice and might come do flyball!) said that chiropractors are better with things that need immediate help. Like when my pelvis was misaligned and the chiropractor helped out and fixed it up like in one session. But with this pain in my neck, that is probably microfiber tears, it’s going to take slow physical therapy to heal me up and not chiropractic adjustment. I thought that was interesting and it made a lot of sense to me.

So I go back on Monday. Yesterday they laid me out on this wonderful heating pad from my butt to my head, wrapped it around my neck, and then put electric stim on my back. Ooo that felt so nice! Today, though, it hurts more again. When I drove to get my nails done this morning I noticed more pain, and I had more of a desire to crack my neck, which means I am trying to alleviate pressure in there. But it doesn’t help, it just makes things worse.

So instead of riding on my english saddles today (lol) I am sitting here at the computer with my comfy cushion and my own heating pad. The TV is on, Blade II, but I’m not paying much attention. And I’m drinking tea and relaxing. I love to drink tea and relax. And it’s raining out, which is also comforting. It’s a nice autumn day, peaceful and wonderful! I need more days like this.

No no no… I’m not asking if you do crack, or drugs. LOL. I’m asking if you crack your fingers or your toes or your neck. I’ve been reading up a bit about neck cracking. Mainly because my neck hurts so much lately that I find myself cracking it even though I don’t know I am. The second I stop thinking about not cracking it, I crack it. So I found this article: Don’t Crack Your Neck.

I’m sure there are more out there… but I guess it’s really bad to crack one’s neck. It’s probably equally bad to crack one’s fingers and toes, which I also do. I never have cracked my neck before this freakin’ car accident and injury. I have the name of a Physical Therapy place to go to. They are closed Tuesdays though, so hopefully tomorrow they will call me back. Bleh.

I’ve also closed down two of my blogs recently, realizing I just can’t keep up on five blogs. So this will be my dream diary, my photo blog, and my personal blog all in one. It actually is quite a load off my mind, to only have three blogs now! lol yeah that’s still a lot but I think I can handle three.

Well, I want to just go home and sit on the couch and not move my neck for about three weeks. Maybe that’d help the pain. Ugh.. I really hate pain.

Oh my gosh.. Saturday night and Sunday morning my neck hurt so bad I could hardly move. I was at the Control Unleashed dog training seminar both days, and it was awful. My neck, not the seminar. The seminar was good.

I wrapped my neck up with my Ravenclaw scarf the second day to see if it keeping it warm would help. And strangely enough I think it did. Also, standing and moving helped instead of sitting and dwelling on the pain.

Today I’m okay.. I still have much more pain than I’d like, but it’s not too unbearable. Bleh. I hate pain.

Well, I have to go feed Lucy her breakfast, I will post more later!

I went to the doctor today.. finally. The neurologist. To check me out since I had my car accident back on August 1st. When I was filling out the history, and all my symptoms, it just made me realize how awful I do really feel and how my body needs some serious fixing.

My arms keep going numb on me… all the way down to my hands. So does my left leg if I’m sitting wrong. I have pain from the base of my skull down to my upper back. My lower back hurts when I bend or pick things up. My whole upper body feels tense, my muscles feel all tight. My face feels tight too. I keep getting head aches off and on. And I also get nausea off and on.

I just generally don’t feel well. He signed me up for some physical therapy and he gave me some drugs. The drugs are for neurological pain but they are also an antidepressant and I don’t really want to take them, especially since I already take Zoloft. I’m going to call them and double check. I get intimidated and don’t ask as many questions as really I should. The doctor looked straight in my eyes and was nice, though a bit intimidating.

I get an MRI a week from Friday. Never had one before, so we’ll see how that goes. And I need to find a physical therapsit. Maybe I’ll call the lawyer and ask around at work. Part of the PT will be massage.. so that’d be wonderful! I think I could really use some of that.

I was feeling guilty while I was there… I don’t like to be sick, or incapacitated. Like most people, I think. I feel like no one will believe me unless I have symptoms that others can see. I also feel like I’m trying to mooch off the doctors or whatever. Really I’m a fairly honest person… though I also feel like I deserve some compensation for the accident and all the crap that has come along with it. It really sucks that life can be going along just fine, and WHAM all of a sudden some lady runs a red light and you slam into her and life changes.

The doc wasn’t too pleased that I’m going on a cruise that will have a lot of activity in a few weeks. But he said if it hurts me, we’ll just have to fix me up again after. I can’t not go on the cruise! I don’t feel bad enough to cancel the cruise. I’d have to feel pretty bad for that!

Well I’m going to watch some TV and wish I had some appetite suppressants to keep me from eating. I have eaten 22.5 points today where I’m only supposed to eat 21. I had the munchies bad. yesterday I ate 18, which was quite good! Now time to relax and drink some no calorie tea and snuggle with the pups.

Here we go! I’m back on the bandwagon. This morning when I weighed myself, I was down 1.5 pounds again. But I know I know, I shouldn’t weigh myself every dang day. Just once a week, and that is what this is for! But still I can’t seem to help myself.

I hope I stop getting cravings in the evenings, too. That is the worst time of day for me!

Oh and edit… I have a dog seminar this weekend that is making me very nervous… food wise. Dangit, I don’t want to over eat, but I’m not sure what I should bring!

Edit Again:
* All time high: 170 pounds
* Last weigh in: 162
* This week: 162 pounds (this morning I weighed 160.4 though!)
* Change: 0
* Overall change: -8 pounds
* To go: 15 pounds

*Height: 5′7″
*Goal Weight: 147 pounds

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This week our contest is sponsored by Clara who writes the Coming Back to Life! She is offering a hand made tote as a prize this week! Here is a picture! Oh it is SOOO cute and perfect for fall!

The names of this week’s “losers” were dropped into a coffee cup and this week’s WINNER is Julie!

Congrats to Grace for being this week’s biggest loser of 3.2 pounds!! Be sure to cruise over to her blog and congratulate her!

Chris - 2 LOSS
Tammy - 1 LOSS
Life With Hashi-Thyroid Blog - no report
Grace - 3.2 LOSS
Leigh - 2.5 GAIN
Clara - 2.5 GAIN
Dette - 1.0 GAIN
Julie - 0.6 LOSS
Cheryl - NO CHANGE
Audrey - no report
Christy - 2.4 LOSS
Tina - 1.4 GAIN
Danielle - NO CHANGE
Jessie - NO CHANGE
Steph - no report

And welcome back CYN who is reporting no change this week.

This week’s total - 0.8 LOSS!

Okay.. I’m back in the world of the living. I swear my PMS makes me seem like I’m a manic depressive. During PMS I’m down in the dumps, can’t get much lower… (okay I can, it’s all relative) and on the day I get my… you know what, like today, it being Day One, I feel so much happier. More patient… (waaaay more patient) more energized, and I can talk to people without feeling like I’m going to be hated or humiliated at any second.

Bleh. My drugs help, for sure, but I so wish that someone would realize that PMS is very real, and get a cure for the hormonal imbalance that it is. My Vitex Agnus Castus helps, too, so does the progesterone cream, but still, I get pretty yucky.

And… joy of the world, looks like I’ll be getting my… you know, when I’m on my cruise the end of October. Yuck. Not that it’s that big of a deal, really, it’ll just be a pain. Though having PMS on the cruise would be way worse, so I’ll take what I can get.

As for my weight… I’m at 0 loss 0 gain today. I’d lost a pound but it came back. I’ve been so strict! But now that it’s… you know what, my weight should start to drop, too, it usually does. I want to lose 10 pounds for my cruise!!!

I’m posting this from blogdesk, too, and I hope I can use this for when I’m on the cruise as I hear internet time gets pretty expensive. So I gotta make sure this works okay, so I can post pictures and make ya’ll jealous!

This is just a picture of one of the last roses outside on my rose bushes. I kinda think they are a pain… but pretty for the most part. If they died, though, I wouldn’t be too sad. Okay maybe a little.

Yesterday was a great down day and I woke up this morning feeling much better. Physically, emotionally and mentally. But as I sit here again on the couch (I seem to get stuck on the couch once I start blogging) my neck is just killing me.

I’m sure it’s still because of my car accident. I got the car back, it’s up for sale already. I hope it sells, I haven’t gotten any bites yet. But my arms still go numb when I lay on my back, or have them above my head, or sit for any length of time.. all of which must be bad. I was going to go to the neurologist last Tuesday but they put me off again until this Wednesday. I really need to go in. I’m still in a lot of pain and discomfort and I want to be better. So we’ll see how that goes.

I upgraded the memory on my VPS (server, host, whatever you want to call it) by 256Mb. I hope that helps. It’s not flash memory but regular old memory. So now I’ll have 768Mb and we’ll see if that speeds up the websites some. I might have to ask those I host for to give me a wee bit of money to cover costs. Maybe $6 or $10 every three months or so. Not really too much, just enough to help when my bill comes due.

I think I’m going to flop over and take a nap now. Sitting on the couch makes me sleepy.

Well, apparently I’m a failure when it comes to losing weight on my own. BLEH. I mean heck… I do know how to eat, don’t I? I guess not. I lost 20 pounds doing Eat To Live a couple (maybe 3) years ago now. But lately it has been coming back on. I got down to 147 at one point. Yesterday I weighed myself and I was 162. Man! What happened! If I don’t do something soon, I’ll be back up to 170 where I was before I did the Eat to Live stuff.

So I took my sister’s gumption and joined Weight Watchers again. I have got to drop this weight, it’s really starting to piss me off and my clothes are getting tighter again. Noooo!!! I also need to join back up to Leigh’s Take It Off Together Tuesday, I think.

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So today is the first day of Weight Watchers, and the weight will drop. I have this anxiety about recording my food intake. I get nervous about it and I don’t do it. Well, I just have to suck it up and do it anyway. And so here goes! My cruise is on October 25, I hope to get down to about 155 or so by then. Wish me luck!

You know you were in a bad car accident when they estimate the damage of the vehicle at over $12,000. GADS. That’s a lot of freakin’ damage. I just found that out today.

Last Friday the shop said my car wasn’t totaled. But today they called again and they have finished estimating the damage. They put it at $12,000. (my rental car probably isn’t worth that much).

I talked to my insurance adjuster, she said if the damage to the vehicle is 80% of the value of the vehicle, they consider it totaled. The damage to my car is 75% the value of it. So Allstate (my insurance) is sending someone down to the shop tomorrow to get their opinion. The adjuster said that it is very possible that the Allstate person will find that it is actually 80% damaged and if so, then it’s totaled.

Oh joy. It freaks me out, still, that the accident was that bad. My poor car. I’m still waffling between wanting a new car, and wanting my old car back. I am liking my insurance company, though. Auto insurance comparisons are helpful too. But the real money is in how the company handles a car wreck.

So maybe I’ll know over the next few days. I guess I can have some serious things going on physically, if the car was hurt that bad. EEEEEeek.

Okay I think I’m finally finding that the Chiropractor isn’t working this time. It did for my groin strain… and it did for my shoulder a year or so ago. But this time, not working. Sometimes I feel a little better, but then sometimes I feel rotten.

Tonight I’m nauseous, I’ve had a rotten headache most of the day (I do NOT get headaches), my neck hurts and is popping, and when I lay flat on my back my left arm goes numb.

I think a lot of this has to do with the accident. Especially the left arm numbness and the headaches. Oh yeah, I’m occasionally dizzy. And I know I wasn’t dizzy before the accident at all. Nor was I nauseous, nor did my left arm go numb. Nor did I get headaches. My neck hurt… and popped, but none of the other things.

So now I have to get up the guts to call the chiropractor, work out the billing, and tell them it’s just not working the way I had hoped. I know it works for other things, and that’s fine, but just not for me right now. I feel guilty, though… the anxiety kicks in. I feel like I’ll piss them off or hurt their feelings or some stupid thing. I hate having to do this. But I’ve got to suck it up and call them in the next couple of days and tell them I’m not going to come back. Dammit, where is my spine!

I want to go to another doctor. Not sure if I should go to an orthopedic doctor, or my family doctor, or maybe a neck and back specialist. I don’t like feeling this way and I want to do something about it. The nausea is really bugging me, so is the dizziness. And the neck pain, of course. And I don’t sleep on my back too often, but I don’t like it that my arm goes numb when I am just laying flat on my back!

So here I go, trying to stiffen up my spine, and do something. Bleh. I just wish all doctors were holograms or computers, then I would be able to face them better! I hate having things wrong with me. I hate admitting that I’m human, and thus I can have weaknesses and am not always strong and completely whole. And I’m older now too, and the body doesn’t bounce back like it once did.