Luna Tail

I hate anxiety. It’s the stupid thing that plagues me more than anything else. I guess everyone has to have some stupid thing they have to deal with… even with my Zoloft I still feel more anxiety than I really would ever want to. But then I’d want to feel none at all and that is probably too much to ask. But I would at least like to feel none a lot of the time, instead of having a low-grade anxiety always lingering somewhere by my backbone.

I think that my Candida and Lyme and all that junk is tied into the constant buzz of anxiety my body feels. Maybe some cross country movers would help me feel better… or moving across country, anyway. But I dunno. I try to sit and look at my anxiety and deal with it and relax… and I just feel more anxiety.

I know I need to meditate or exercise or just do relaxation or breathing exercises… but even those things just cause my anxiety to escalate. And so, of course, I avoid them. I know that facing my anxiety does cause it to diminish… but it’s so hard to face something that first escalates the thing you want most to avoid. Bleh.

Anyway, my muscles still shimmer with a bit of pain, though it’s not as bad as it used to be. My neck still hurts… when I crack it. Which is about half the time now. I’m getting better at remembering not too but it’s hard to remember a habit that’s so habitual you don’t even think about it anymore.

I think I’m in a viscous circle where my physical discomfort causes mental discomfort and then the mental causes the physical and on and on it goes…. so I need to stop one of them and the other will follow suit. I am feeling a lot better physcially than I was.  So that’s good. Maybe I’m feeling better enough that I’m noticing the bad feelings even more, if that makes any sense.

Well, I am eating better and I go back to the doc on Monday for a checkup. So hopefully that’ll go well too.  I hate making that drive, and I don’t have an audio book right now… maybe I need to find one for Monday.

So yesterday the husband and I took Chase, Levi and Muffit and went for a hike up to Dog Lake. It’s up Millcreek Canyon, the only canyon around that allows dogs off leash, and then only on odd numbered days. But it’s a nice canyon and we had fun. The dogs loved it. Levi is almost 10 and not in very good shape so he had a hard time. I need to load up the pictures I took and post some of them.

Anyway this is the first time in many months that I have actually felt up to going on any sort of walk, much less a six mile round trip hike with my husband and the dogs. It felt really good! Maybe we should get remarried up there and send out some wedding invitations… but oh man that’s just too much work.

So the doctor now has me on:

Diflucan (anti-fungal)

Antibiotic (I forget the name)

Multi-Vitamins 3 times a day, two big pills.

Probiotics 3 times a day.

Cat’s Claw

He added the Cat’s Claw. I am still reading about it but it’s supposed to help with the Lyme and such.  And the papers the doc gave me said that now some people think Lyme can be transmitted via mosquitoes, or other insects, or even person to person contact! Weird! Yuck!

So anyway, whatever I have, this doc is helping a lot! He is not going to be taking my insurance anymore after the end of August. No surprise, my insurance gets worse every year and he doesn’t want to have to deal with it anymore. So when I go again I’ll have to pay for it myself. I better save up my pennies!