Luna Tail|Lunacy, Crabiness, Life

I miss Angel very much. We adopted Angel in March of 2002. Only 8 years go. We didn’t know how old she was when she came to live with us. But when we let her go, May 13, 2010, we think she was acting about 14 years old.

It was her time. I’ve been spilling a lot of tears, because I miss her. Our time with her was much too short. Some friends got us some very nice things in her memory… flowers, a little bird bath outdoor décor little decoration, and some Oregano. I planted the Oregano in a new fun pot in the back yard.

My heart will be sore for some time. I think I can feel her spirit around me, though. I love you Angel.

Well this is not the end of this blog, or the end of me… hopefully. But it might soon be the end for Angel, our sweet smooth blue collie girl who came to live with us in March of 2002.

I am not a religious person… in fact, I don’t know if any God or gods exist. I don’t know if religion is really the answer, or the means, or anything. I just think that we need to believe that which makes us most happy. That which makes us get through the day, and when life is at and end, that which makes us feel like we need to when the end is near.

I think there is something after life… beyond life, other than this life. I don’t know what it is. I think it’s probably something that cannot be comprehended by our small human brains. I don’t like the idea of the Rainbow Bridge for dogs. Where dogs go to wait for us after they die. I want my dogs to be free after they die, to do whatever they want to do, and not wait around for me. I was important to them in this life, and I hope to be important after, but I don’t want their afterlife to be centered around me. I want them to be free and do what they want to do.

Anyway, at the end of the day… or at the end of our lives, nothing really matters but our faith, no matter what that is. Maybe it’s even science, if that’s our faith. But when our bodies give out, and stop working, there are no more things. There’s no more money. There’s nothing but those we love, and who love us, and the faith we have in what comes after. And so I have faith that Angel, when it’s her time and it may be her time soon, will be released from these physical bonds and be free and be everything.

I’m not crying as I write this, I was crying earlier as we went to the vet to get some blood work done on her. And I know I’ll cry some more. But for now, I can try to smile and laugh and even joke a little bit, to make things more bearable, maybe use some acne lotion because I’m breaking out from stress. And yeah, I’m more stressed than I want to admit. I love my Pumpkin Pie girl, and I don’t want her to go. And I don’t want her to suffer, either. *sigh*

And here is the front room, which I also love… I love the brown paint. I never thought I’d like brown, but I wanted something homey and yet darkish but not too dark. Tatum is in this picture posing, too.

No POS systems in here.. but lots of tile floors! I love the tile floors. They are so nice for the dogs, and the poop that yes, we still get indoors once in a while.  That is Tatum’s bed in the middle of the floor, she likes to sleep in the sunshine.  And it’s still icky winter here and so we absorb all the sun we can get!

Yup it’s official! I am going to Denmark! I’m going with my friend Mark from work. He’s the only one who said he could afford it! And man, it’s going to be way more expensive than I had originally thought. I really wanted to go with my friend Marie from Richfield but she couldn’t afford it. I wish I could have paid for hers! But I’m going to have a hard time paying for just my own. Bleh. I really wanted to go with my Mom, too, but I needed to buy the tickets soon because I want to plan what I’m going to do. Hopefully she will still come, but we’ll see.

I’m really stressed about going, and I don’t really know why because I’ve traveled before. Maybe it’s the money… the car is going to cost more than I was hoping. And I don’t even know how much hotels will be. Ugh. Maybe I need to sell some Nascar jackets to get some more money… but my husband and I gave up on the four month house payoff plan. Our budget is just too tight and so we are refinancing instead to lower our payment to give us a little bit more breathing room. And some money for Denmark for me. And we are rolling the van loan in there too so having just one loan will be better than two.

So I’m excited and really nervous too. Jet, of course, is coming… oh did I not mention that? LOL I’m going to the World Dog Show in Herning, Denmark! And I’m bringing Jet, my Danish Swedish Farmdog and entering him in the show! It’ll be way fun! I know my nerves will settle down after a while, but for now, I’m stressed. Bleh.

Yes, I do wish I could just be dumb.  I feel dumb a lot of the time… mostly at my work.  And you know, this blog is cool because no one can tell me otherwise!

Okay Okay I know I’m not really dumb.  I just feel a lot of pressure a lot of the time to be smart.  And I feel stress and anxiety when it comes to that.  I just want to be me. Be natural. Instead I feel like I have to perform. And when I feel forced to perform like that, I freeze up and shut down and I just can’t do it.

I love the dog training because my whole life doesn’t depend on it.  I like that’s it’s a pleasure and a hobby and a labor of love.  Maybe I’m feeling stressed now because my husband isn’t working at all so it’s all on me.  But I’ve never felt that way before so I don’t know if it’s the case now.  Maybe it’s because I’m under three years to retirement, and I’m terrified I’ll be laid off before I get to retire.

Ugh. Either way, I just want to be okay to be dumb if I am dumb. Slow if I am slow. And smart or fast if I am those too.  I don’t want the pressure!  Maybe the pressure is what is behind it all. I just don’t know. Ugh.

So as you guys probably know I got the most wonderful puppy back in July. He’s six months old now and he is still the most wonderful puppy. I hope he doesn’t grow up too fast because it’s just so much fun to have a wiggly silly puppy in the house.

Jet trusts me so completely. This might be a dog related post, but it’s kid related too. And just a general trust post so I thought I’d put it here instead of my dog blog. Anyway I am just amazed at how completely he trusts me. He lets me hold him upside down, lift him, take things from him, give things to him… he flops on me in lots of ways with no thought of falling or being treated poorly. I assume young children are just exactly like this. Do young kids have trust as their default? Are they born with trusting their parents entirely?

I have had so many dogs through my home that don’t trust me. And as an adult human I don’t trust too many people. It seems, as adult humans, we don’t tend to trust easily. Trust has to be earned. We have been disappointed way too many times.

What if our trust was never betrayed, from the time we were little kids, and we trusted people by default? And people were trustworthy? I just wonder what the world would be like. Totally different… and human nature would not let that happen. But it’s an interesting idea anyway. Maybe in 4396510 years humans will evolve to a point where we will be trustworthy. Until then.. I will cherish my little boy Jet and appreciate all the trust he gives me. And protect him as much as I can. I want him to know the world is a safe place. I will make the world a safe place for him. Unlike a human kid, he won’t ever go out on his own and need to be a skeptic. I’ll always watch over him.

Ugh.. I’m beat. I was at a DOCNA agility trial last weekend and the days were long, and the stairs were many, and now my knees hurt a lot. I am going to go take some Advil PM tonight and hope that my knees feel better tomorrow.

I need some auto performance parts for my body, so I can be younger and even be a cyborg. LOL. Dang my body is falling apart. Not fun at all.

I have never had knee pain before so this is a new and exciting (not) feeling in my body. Bleh. My ankle is okay, was sprained but it’s doing fine.  And my neck still hurts. Going to be trying to do more about that in the near future, too.

Good night!

My husband is off on a trip this weekend. I can’t say to where, but I hope he’ll be okay. The weather is always iffy this time of year, and so I’ll worry. I gave him my cell phone so he can call me if he needs to, and he can check in every few hours.  He is a very safe driver and so I’m sure he’ll be safe, and he’s in the Outback which is a good safe car.

Of course I worry about him rolling… only because I’ve been in two rollovers in my life, both in the winter in the snow.  But the weather is supposed to be clear this weekend and hopefully he’ll be home by Monday. Monday is a holiday so I get to be home too, and have a nice day off!

I’m relaxing today.  As are the dogs.  It’s quiet in the house again which is really nice, all the foster dogs are gone. They are fun to have for a while, but they are even more fun to have gone.    I wish dog rescue wasn’t necessary. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t have the six dogs we do. And we do love them all, for sure.

Utah Collie Rescue has been having an influx of dogs that need medical care. Sasha, a rough sable girl, who was left at the Utah Humane Society. Her nose was covered in scabs and we were unsure what her situation was.

We had blood work and a biopsy on her nose, plus her teeth cleaned. Found out she has Pemphigus. It is a serious autoimmune condition that will need lifetime care.

We also recently rescued Lily, a girl who was abandoned on the street. She is apparently in renal failure (her kidneys are failing) and she is being treated. We don’t know if she has much hope or not, but her medical bills are getting high.

If you cannot donate, perhaps you can spread the word! Utah Collie Rescue, Inc., is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization so all donations are tax deductible!

Utah Collie Rescue

Thank you!

I actually woke up this morning and felt like I wanted to get up! For about the last week, and maybe longer than that, I have woken up in the morning feeling like I really need more sleep.  I wonder if I just don’t get enough sleep, or enough rest. For the last two days… both Sunday and Monday, I sat on my but all day long and felt pretty crappy.  Not really sick, but not like getting up and doing anything.

Fortunately Monday I worked from home and so I was able to sit on my but all day and do something, though nothing physical. I went to bed at about 10pm last night, and I actually woke up on my own this morning without feeling like I need five more hours of sleep. I got up at 7:50 am but I could have gotten up earlier, it was just so nice to snuggle in bed with the dogs all sleeping peacefully.

Maybe I’m still recovering from the cruise.  I’m not sure.  Maybe I just push myself too hard and I don’t get enough idle time.  Sunday I revamped Tip Tail, my dog blog.. and I’m sooo happy with the new theme! Every theme should have a sidebar option in the header!

Right now, 8:22am, I am sitting with Lucy after having fed her in her Bailey’s Chair. She has to sit for 20 minutes for her food to go down into her tummy. And I feel the need to clean, organize, train the dogs, and actually do stuff!  I like this better than feeling ucky!

Oh and the rose…? My husband picked it from one of our rosebushes in the yard. Isnt’ it pretty!  It’s kinda late in the year for roses, but it’s opening up beautifully in the house in a glass of water.