Luna Tail

I hate anxiety. It’s the stupid thing that plagues me more than anything else. I guess everyone has to have some stupid thing they have to deal with… even with my Zoloft I still feel more anxiety than I really would ever want to. But then I’d want to feel none at all and that is probably too much to ask. But I would at least like to feel none a lot of the time, instead of having a low-grade anxiety always lingering somewhere by my backbone.

I think that my Candida and Lyme and all that junk is tied into the constant buzz of anxiety my body feels. Maybe some cross country movers would help me feel better… or moving across country, anyway. But I dunno. I try to sit and look at my anxiety and deal with it and relax… and I just feel more anxiety.

I know I need to meditate or exercise or just do relaxation or breathing exercises… but even those things just cause my anxiety to escalate. And so, of course, I avoid them. I know that facing my anxiety does cause it to diminish… but it’s so hard to face something that first escalates the thing you want most to avoid. Bleh.

Anyway, my muscles still shimmer with a bit of pain, though it’s not as bad as it used to be. My neck still hurts… when I crack it. Which is about half the time now. I’m getting better at remembering not too but it’s hard to remember a habit that’s so habitual you don’t even think about it anymore.

I think I’m in a viscous circle where my physical discomfort causes mental discomfort and then the mental causes the physical and on and on it goes…. so I need to stop one of them and the other will follow suit. I am feeling a lot better physcially than I was.  So that’s good. Maybe I’m feeling better enough that I’m noticing the bad feelings even more, if that makes any sense.

Well, I am eating better and I go back to the doc on Monday for a checkup. So hopefully that’ll go well too.  I hate making that drive, and I don’t have an audio book right now… maybe I need to find one for Monday.

Okay so I’m sick of having a stuffed nose. And it’s not like having a running nose when I have a cold, that is soft and drains a lot. My sinuses are just packed with solid gunk. Over the weekend I did a lot of reading up on what I can do about it. I’ve been doing the sinus rinse, some call it sinus flush, and that doesn’t seem to help much. I use about a teaspoon of kosher salt in water.

So what I discovered is that one can add hydrogen peroxide to the sinus flush for an added boost. So today I tried it for the first time.

I guess peroxide can be dangerous and poisonous, and so I diluted it 1 part to 10 parts of water. I just used the regular store bought kind, not the food grade, because I don’t have any food grade hydrogen peroxide at home.

It didn’t sting much when I did it. But now as I sit here it does sting a little bit. I’m not sure how much it’s clearing up my sinuses, but it is a little bit. I might have to do it a few times to get any real benefits. And I think I need to get it into the deep sinuses too, not just the outer ones. So I tried upside down sinus flooding but I don’t know if I left it to soak long enough. It’s weird to bend ones head over in the tub and squirt the mixture in at the same time.

My sinus problems are because of my Candida. It’s a fungus problem, a yeast problem. I’m also on antibiotics for Lyme disease.  Along with the anti-fungal meds for the Candida.  I also take a lot of probiotics.  I have read about sniffing the probiotics up into the sinuses and I might try that sometime too.

For now I’ll see how this works. Yup, it’s stinging a bit. But that’s okay. From what I’ve read the stinging goes away after my sinuses heal up. I’m so tired of not being able to breathe at night! Bleh!

So yesterday the husband and I took Chase, Levi and Muffit and went for a hike up to Dog Lake. It’s up Millcreek Canyon, the only canyon around that allows dogs off leash, and then only on odd numbered days. But it’s a nice canyon and we had fun. The dogs loved it. Levi is almost 10 and not in very good shape so he had a hard time. I need to load up the pictures I took and post some of them.

Anyway this is the first time in many months that I have actually felt up to going on any sort of walk, much less a six mile round trip hike with my husband and the dogs. It felt really good! Maybe we should get remarried up there and send out some wedding invitations… but oh man that’s just too much work.

So the doctor now has me on:

Diflucan (anti-fungal)

Antibiotic (I forget the name)

Multi-Vitamins 3 times a day, two big pills.

Probiotics 3 times a day.

Cat’s Claw

He added the Cat’s Claw. I am still reading about it but it’s supposed to help with the Lyme and such.  And the papers the doc gave me said that now some people think Lyme can be transmitted via mosquitoes, or other insects, or even person to person contact! Weird! Yuck!

So anyway, whatever I have, this doc is helping a lot! He is not going to be taking my insurance anymore after the end of August. No surprise, my insurance gets worse every year and he doesn’t want to have to deal with it anymore. So when I go again I’ll have to pay for it myself. I better save up my pennies!

My goodness.. when I actually think I might have all three of these things, it makes me sad! But I guess they tend to go hand in hand because they deal with the immune system and good and bad bacteria in my body.

So I had another appointment with my doctor yesterday. Had to drive an hour to get there, again, and an hour back. But it’s worth it because it’s just so nice to have a doctor that sits with me and explains the test results (of tests he didn’t even do) and takes into consideration possibilities that main-stream doctors just chuck out the door or laugh at.

So anyway on my Western Blot I got from my regular family doctor close to my house, which was done by LabCorp (Burlington lab location), I had bands 41 and 23 positive. So I guess band 41 is kinda generic and can suggest antibodies for various things not just Lyme. But band 23 is more important. It’s the IgG P23 band that is present… though I’m not sure the difference between the IgG and the IgM I need to read more about that.

Also, my Epstein Barr Virus test, EBV, came back with positives all over it. Granted this test is from April, and I just got copies of them now… but it’s interesting to see all the antibodies I have that are produced against EBV… aka Mono. I wonder what the test results would look like now.

The doctor is still thinking I have Candida too. And since Lyme is also a possibility, he’s treating me for Candida, with the Diflucan, and I’m to remain on that. He’s also treating me with antibiotics. I have to get that prescription filled, I forgot it at work last night and didn’t want to come back. I’m also still on probiotics and the Candida diet. The diet isn’t so bad anymore… I’m getting used to it, my sugar cravings are gone, though I still like to eat every couple hours whenever I get hungry. I eat just enough to fill myself up then I’m fine for awhile again. I’m also going to be on diet supplements… well, a multivitamin, that is. Which will be good. I got some free samples from his office that I’m going to try out.

He also gave me a Vitamin B shot… B6 and B12. He said that could make me feel better quickly. I do feel a bit better than I did yesterday… but not like a miraculous better or anything. I still think I’m maybe 20% or 25% better than I used to be.

My neck still hurts and cracks, it was the thing that started this pain cycle off a year and a half ago… actually, two years ago. So as I get better I hope that pain will go away, as well as my fatigue and sore throat and stuffy nose. I’m really tired of breathing out of my mouth every night. Ugh. And I’m really tired of feeling like crap. I do, I think, feel better than I have in many months, so that is a good thing.

So I am still on track with my Candida treatment and diet. I haven’t missed a dose of Diflucan yet, which is a good thing. And I’ve been pretty darn strict with this diet, which is driving me nuts in the evenings.

Oh and do I feel better? I think I do. I think it’s going to be a slow road, however. And I probably need to exercise soon, even if I’m still tired and not feeling well. I have been sedentary for so long now that I really am loosing stamina and strength. So an easy exercise program should be in the making, even if it’s just walks around the neighborhood.

I’m still having cravings for food in the evenings. I don’t think I’m hungry, and it’s not really for just sugar or just salt or fat that I’m craving. I just want to sit down with a nice cup of hot cocoa or some chips or something. Not sure if I’ll ever get over that. And the desire is so strong that it can be overwhelming sometimes. Bleh. It’s amazing how intense cravings can be.

So I have an appointment with the doctor in a couple more weeks. I’m sticking with this, and doing a good job of being strict, no matter how boring or frustrated I get. I have cheated twice in 12 days which, I guess, isn’t really that bad since they were tiny things. So I guess I should be proud of myself!

Well here’s another picture of the peas. I just really liked this picture too so had to post it up! LOL. Now onto my Candida…

So this morning I woke up and I think I might feel better. I feel cooler like my body temperature has dropped. And I feel less general pain, and I feel like I have more patience and am not so much in a rush. I feel like I don’t have to bury myself in the computer or something else to avoid the pain.  So these are all good things even though they are not really technical definitions of symptoms.

I did spend a lot of time sleeping today, though. The bed was so comfortable, and soft, and the dogs were snuggling with me, and I just felt pretty good. I mean not 100% healthy, but just better and more peaceful. Though still very tired. So I figured I’d let myself just sleep if that’s what my body wanted. So I got up about 7:30, and about 9 I went back to bed and stayed there until just now, and it’s about 1pm now.

I’ve been eating very healthy, sticking with the Candida diet, and taking the Diflucan which is the prescription to fight the fungal infection. So I’m just really hoping that Candida is my problem and this treatment is going to help me get better. So far, so good.

And maybe I’ll stop buying stuff… spending money is one of the things I do to help myself feel better, even though it really doesn’t help! So I have tried not to spend, and have avoided getting shipping boxes on my doorstep lately, so that’s good!

So we have peas in the backyard! Only a couple have been ripe though, so far. They need a few more days to ripen so we can start eating them. The ones I ate today were amazingly good. I love backyard veggies they are so much better than store bought veggies.

I got this fun picture of them too, I love taking closeup pictures.

And now for an update of my Candida diet. Well, I’m so way more addicted to sugar than I had realized. Every afternoon I have the most intense sugar cravings! I’m supposed to not eat sugar or even fruit. And I’ve been sticking with it… except I cheated once yesterday and had a caramel, pecan, almond paste thing that my husband didn’t like.. which probably put me back a couple of days from getting over these darn sugar cravings.

But I’m sticking with it, and taking my meds, and hoping the yeasties all go away so that I can feel better. And even without using top rated diet pills, I’ve lost a couple of pounds on this Candida diet, so that’s a good thing too!

So I went to the new doctor today. I really liked him a lot! Instead of wanting to treat my knee pain with exercise, my stuffed nose with allergy meds, my sore ankles with ice, my neck with physical therapy, and my mono with rest… he took in the whole picture and came up with something I didn’t really consider… candida.

If you are not sure, Candida is a like a chronic yeast infection. So he thinks I might have that and maybe a fungal infection too. So I’m taking probiotics so my body gets the good bacteria reestablished, and I’m also on anti-fungal meds for a month.

If this doesn’t help, I could still have Lyme, or maybe something else. But it’s a good place to start. I have to cut out the sugars in my diet… simple sugars are bad. Of course I’m going to be craving chocolate and sweets like mad for a while… bleh. Oh well, I can do it. I want to feel better!

My mind has been really foggy lately and I haven’t been doing good at my job, or at life, really. Maybe a jobs in sales would be better… oooh no, I think it would be worse! I wish I could take a month off but I do have to get through the work week… I’ll make it.

Yay! I’m excited! He’s an MD and he is Lyme Literate, too. Though I don’t know if I should post names or not. Anyway, I have an appointment for June 15th, it’s a Monday, so I can work from home and head down for the appt. It’s in Provo, Utah, so about an hour away from me. But if he can help me, then it’ll be worth it.

I also found a website where I can track my symptoms and how I’m feeling. MedHelp.org.  So after a month I can really see what I’m feeling, and what trends I have.  And doctors may just hate it that us patients now have access to the web and a ton of info… but from what I’ve read I could have some sort of auto-immune condition. Maybe Lupus or something. But Fibromyalgia is also considered auto-immune. But talking to this guy about Lyme will make me feel better too.  Mono can be a side-condition of these other conditions.

I’ve been feeling pretty crappy today. I have felt crappy since last Wednesday.   I tried to do agility with Chase on Saturday, but failed. I wasn’t able to keep up with him. So I stayed home on Sunday and slept a good portion of the day. Bleh. Still today I feel tired, my neck hurts, my knees hurt, my head hurts… yadda yadda yadda. I’m sure the world is tired of hearing of my complaints.

My laptop also may be sick, maybe it needs more  computer memory but it’s been making a nasty sound like the fan is going into overdrive. Maybe it needs to go back to the shop, too, but I hope not.

Oh well, I have a month to wait for this doc. So I’ll take care of myself until then, and take life slow.