Luna Tail

You know you were in a bad car accident when they estimate the damage of the vehicle at over $12,000. GADS. That’s a lot of freakin’ damage. I just found that out today.

Last Friday the shop said my car wasn’t totaled. But today they called again and they have finished estimating the damage. They put it at $12,000. (my rental car probably isn’t worth that much).

I talked to my insurance adjuster, she said if the damage to the vehicle is 80% of the value of the vehicle, they consider it totaled. The damage to my car is 75% the value of it. So Allstate (my insurance) is sending someone down to the shop tomorrow to get their opinion. The adjuster said that it is very possible that the Allstate person will find that it is actually 80% damaged and if so, then it’s totaled.

Oh joy. It freaks me out, still, that the accident was that bad. My poor car. I’m still waffling between wanting a new car, and wanting my old car back. I am liking my insurance company, though. Auto insurance comparisons are helpful too. But the real money is in how the company handles a car wreck.

So maybe I’ll know over the next few days. I guess I can have some serious things going on physically, if the car was hurt that bad. EEEEEeek.

Okay I think I’m finally finding that the Chiropractor isn’t working this time. It did for my groin strain… and it did for my shoulder a year or so ago. But this time, not working. Sometimes I feel a little better, but then sometimes I feel rotten.

Tonight I’m nauseous, I’ve had a rotten headache most of the day (I do NOT get headaches), my neck hurts and is popping, and when I lay flat on my back my left arm goes numb.

I think a lot of this has to do with the accident. Especially the left arm numbness and the headaches. Oh yeah, I’m occasionally dizzy. And I know I wasn’t dizzy before the accident at all. Nor was I nauseous, nor did my left arm go numb. Nor did I get headaches. My neck hurt… and popped, but none of the other things.

So now I have to get up the guts to call the chiropractor, work out the billing, and tell them it’s just not working the way I had hoped. I know it works for other things, and that’s fine, but just not for me right now. I feel guilty, though… the anxiety kicks in. I feel like I’ll piss them off or hurt their feelings or some stupid thing. I hate having to do this. But I’ve got to suck it up and call them in the next couple of days and tell them I’m not going to come back. Dammit, where is my spine!

I want to go to another doctor. Not sure if I should go to an orthopedic doctor, or my family doctor, or maybe a neck and back specialist. I don’t like feeling this way and I want to do something about it. The nausea is really bugging me, so is the dizziness. And the neck pain, of course. And I don’t sleep on my back too often, but I don’t like it that my arm goes numb when I am just laying flat on my back!

So here I go, trying to stiffen up my spine, and do something. Bleh. I just wish all doctors were holograms or computers, then I would be able to face them better! I hate having things wrong with me. I hate admitting that I’m human, and thus I can have weaknesses and am not always strong and completely whole. And I’m older now too, and the body doesn’t bounce back like it once did.

Well, today I went to an agility trial. I had fun.. I wasn’t too excited about it. I have been having one heck of a rotten time getting up early in the mornings lately. And six o’clock comes dang early. I have something in my brain that says there is a big difference between six o’clock and seven o’clock. Seven isn’t so bad, Six is awful! Eight is even better.

Anyway… I was sitting in the ring today setting jump bars, and it’s a USDAA trial so I’m not as familiar with when to set the triple and double and table… and I’d set something and the judge, who was really on top of things, went and reset my stuff a couple of times because I didn’t get it right.

Well, my old anxiety kicks in, I feel like an idiot, I think everyone is going to hate me and think I’m stupid… and so I had to sit there with myself for a while and try to understand why I’m feeling this. Because most of the time at trials, even when I make a mistake, I don’t feel that anymore.

So I remembered yesterday and how I wasn’t feeling good all day. And I haven’t been feeling good most of the week. It could be the Isagenix… but I doubt it. I’m done with my 9 day cleanse and it went well. But I really think that I’m thrown off because of the car accident. And I have been having these rotten headaches, i have one again now, and they just don’t want to go away. Bah. I hate headaches.

So I think there is something going on with me still, be it the accident or be it just that I’m stressed and not feeling well. It’s only Day six today, so I’m in a good place hormonally. Maybe I am catching a cold… maybe I’m in a summer funk and I could use a change of weather. But I really don’t want it to get cold. I like the summer!

Tomorrow I’m getting up kinda early again, but not as early. Only about 7:30 so that’ll be good. Going to practice obedience in the morning, then come home and maybe I’ll just go back to bed. I am tired of pushing myself to the edge… I’d rather take care of myself and slow down and relax. If my body and mind are telling me to slow down, then I’m gonna slow down.

Heck, I like being slow and relaxed, so that’s what I’m gonna do!

Well so far so good. I’m a little hungry, but not really too much. And I don’t have much of an appetite so that helps. And the little snacks are good, they give my mouth something to do. I also chewed a small piece of gum earlier (might be cheating). And I’ve had just over a quart of water, and I’ll be drinking more throughout the rest of the day.

I had a bit of a headache, though it could be from detoxing, or my neck hurting (which it still does) or a lack of food. I do tend to get hunger headaches. But like I said, I’m not ravenously hungry. I’ve had two portions of the Cleanse for Life and I’ll have one more before I leave work, and another when I get home from Obedience practice tonight.

I am, however, deathly tired. I could go and lay down and sleep until tomorrow morning. Maybe that, too, is sugar or chocolate withdrawals. About now I’d be having a sugar boost to get me alert and keep me awake the rest of the day. And without that… I wish I could sleep! I’m very groggy and could seriously hit a couch and just be out like a light.

I’m glad I’m doing Obedience class tonight, it will keep me from thinking too much about food. When I think about it, I want it. But really I don’t want it or need it now. I just want to do this nine day Isagenix cleanse and drop some pounds and feel better.

Then when I go on my cruise… or maybe on some Orlando vacations in October, I’ll feel and look so much better!

My flyball captain uses and sells Isagenix, and we were talking about it on our long six hour drive to and from Laramie last weekend. She looks great, has a very, very nice figure, and takes care of herself. She alone is a good representative of the system!

So I’m going to give it a try. I’m going to start the 9 day cleanse tomorrow. Basically I eat their cleansing drink four times a day, and some of their snacks, for the first couple of days. This helps my body clean out toxins. And after eating junk all weekend I really feel the need to clean out. Usually I feel like eating salads and veggies for a few days after… but I don’t end up doing it. This will put me on a plan that will help me do it and follow through with it.

The next five days I eat their shakes and one small meal a day. And the last two days I drink their cleansing drink again. This next nine days will be perfect and put me right up to my next agility trial.. where maybe I can clean out and not crave the junk so much on that weekend.

So as I try this cleanse I’ll post a review about it. Of course I hope to lose some weight, too!

Finally after about six visits, the chiropractor seems to be working. My neck was hurting… as was my upper back. I would turn my neck and it would crack and pop and crackle, and the pressure in my neck was awful. I was getting headaches too and I wanted to feel better! This has been going on since last September because I remember it from when I was at dog camp.

I went to Dr. Calvin Beaugez, I was referred by a friend in the dog world. She has rotties. Anyway, he’s a NUCCA Chiropractor and my neck… amazingly enough, is really feeling better!

I like it a lot! I’m worried my neck will get worse again… but I’m glad it’s better for now. And I’m trying quite hard to not pop it on my own, and I’m getting better at that, too. The less I pop it, the less it hurts. And the less it hurts, the less I feel the desire to pop it!

Yup.. I’m sick of a body part. I’m tired of my neck cracking and popping. I’ve been going to the Chiropractor for a couple of weeks now, and it seems a little bit better, but it’s not 100% good yet.

I think a lot of it has to do with the tension in my neck. I think maybe I need to go get a full body massage, too. One that is really deep and will get into my muscles and loosen them up. I think that sitting at the computer all day, most days, really tenses my neck muscles up and I have to relax them.

But I like the Chiropractor. He massaged my neck yesterday, too, and that helped a lot. I just have to learn to relax while I’m on the computer, dangit, and I just forget to! I get so intense on the computer that I block out anything else. Yup… that’s an addiction for you! But I think I balance it out okay.

so neck, get better darnit!

My sister and I bought some shares of a local Community Supported Agriculture program and it’s been great so far. I love the lettuce we get every Monday… I eat those just about right away. They usually give us a spring mix, though as we get more into summer maybe that will change.

I’m so bad at remembering everything we get. Arugula, Beets, an onion/garlic thing that is really good. We have some small leeks up in the fridge still from last Monday that I haven’t cooked up yet.

These are a couple of pictures of the yummy veggies I’ve been getting. I like them! Oh we have gotten some carrots, too, which have been small because it’s still early. And some peas, which were delicious! Can’t wait to see what else we get!

I’ve been having bad PMS this month.. could be because I have missed a couple of days of my sertraline. Or it could be that I’ve been doing too much (yet again) and not giving myself enough down time. Today was nice, I got to sit at work all day. I swear when I retire I’m going to be going full speed all the time and even my down days at home are gonna be weird! But that’s not for a while so I needn’t even think about it!

It’s Day 25, I think. And the closer that number gets to 28, the worse I get. I want to eat everything in sight, mainly chocolate. Premenstrual Syndrome is just no fun at all. My body hurts, I’m grumpy, and sometimes I even feel like my whole life is falling apart. Even though, logically, it is just fine.

Ugh. I need a nap.

I really am unable, it seems, to stop eating food that is in front of me. In example, I ate a frozen dinner today for lunch… easy to prepare and it’s a limited amount. Ate it all. Then I got the munchies, which I often do. And usually I get the munchies for something sweet or salty. Usually sweet like chocolate. But I’m trying to be good, and I figure every little choice where I’m good helps, even if it’s just a little, so I pulled out the 1lb bag of baby carrots I brought.

Sitting at my desk working… focusing on the computer, and before I know it the whole bag is gone! Well, the plastic remains, I don’t eat that. LOL. But I eat every bit in the bag. It’s not like I can eat a few then put it away. I eat ‘em all, even if, when I’m done, I feel a bit sick.

I think my eating has a huge tie with my anxiety. Especially now… this time of the month, it’s Day 22. I feel more anxiety and so I eat because I want to make the anxiety go away.

It amazes me at how powerful the feeling… the taste, of food is in the mouth. It is so intense… sweet or salt or sour. It’s like the mouth, I swear, should be our major sexual organ since it’s so sensitive and we are sticking food in it all day long. At least three times a day. I can so understand why people have such a hard time with food and eating. Why it can become such an addiction, or avoidance. It’s intense and extreme. I’m dang lucky for the metabolism I have, or I’d probably be 500 pounds easy.

Anyway, so it’s been hard for me lately, and going out to eat with tons of food on my plate is very hard for me to avoid. Maybe I just need to section a bit off and only eat that. But I’m not sure I’d be able to do that, either. Hrmph.