Luna Tail

I recently posted a comment on another blog and found out about Disqus, which is a commenting system you can sign up for and then apply a plugin to your wordpress blog.

I think I really like it. It’s like a community of commenters. the only thing I don’t like is that when I reply to comments, the commenter is not emailed directly about my reply unless they are a member of Disqus themselves. If they are not… if they are unverified, it’s called, then they don’t get a reply email.

Hopefully this will change soon. I have this commenting system on this blog, and my other blog, Tip Tail, to try it out.

My Disqus Profile is, I think, viewable by anyone. If you have problems with this commenting system please, please let me know. You don’t have to be registered with Disqus to comment, but if you do register you can claim all your comments and participate. It’s fun!

I am catching back up in sleep and energy after my trip to Colorado… it’s amazing how tiring a 10 hour drive can be. And, I’ve still gained some weight… ugh! So back to the Eat To Live plan I am going. I lost more weight eating like that than anything else. And being healthy means for life insurance no medical exam is needed.. or we can hope!

I took the boys jogging this morning. I think I have a bit of OCD that goes along with my anxiety. When I start something (like blogging even!) I get all gung-ho obsessed with it and I go crazy. Only to find, about a year or so later, that I’m bored or stressed by it and I stop. Usually cold turkey. And yeah, it does take me about a year.

They say that we have to do something for about 2 months for it to stick. Well, that doesn’t work for me. I have to do it probably for two years. Get over the OCD phase and then work out a plan I am comfortable with. This happened to me with following the Eat To Live eating plan, too. Was easy for the first year and I dropped 20 pounds. I’m still 15 pounds down, but now I am snacking on brownies and things, and I wish I had an outdoor kitchen to make them in!

So now the Zoloft is helping me immensely. I can manage my anxiety and my OCD. And with jogging, I was stressing out and thinking I had to go 4 times a week at least, and go for at least 5 miles. Which I did and I was actually in pretty good shape. The dogs were, too. But then one day, all of a sudden, I stopped jogging. After about a year and a half.

So now I want to jog again and I have a few reasons why. Chase’s pads need to be tough, as he can blow his pads easily. He is such a sensitive boy. And he needs the exercise since he’s a border collie. Levi also needs the exercise, but because he is a collie and has a lot less energy. He needs to keep active and keep in shape. And for me, of course, because I need to keep active and it is so good for my health. I fight cancer, I lose weight, I keep my BP and cholesterol lower, and probably reduce the risk of breast cancer, too.

So instead of being all obsessed about it, I’m planning on going two days a week, for about 40 minutes or so. I’m not going to stress about it or take it too seriously. I may go 3 times a week if I have time, but with all the dog classes I go to it’s hard to fit 3 a week in. I might even go only once a week if that is all I can do. But once is better than none!

Running gives me a good feeling and I enjoy it. I don’t enjoy the obsession I develop about these things, however. And so balance.. I need balance, as I need in all things.

Well, I feel better now. No more PMS for a couple of weeks anyway. Yes the VAC helps but doesn’t get totally rid of it. So I ride the pendulum of being a woman. And to hell with everyone that says ‘enjoy your cycle’, that’s a load of bull crap. I’ll tell ya. It’s stupid. My cycle is pain and misery and anger and hate. I’m never going to be able to ‘enjoy’ that for as long as I live.

My social anxiety and eating patterns flare up and change with each cycle change, too. I was doing so well eating last week, the pounds were dropping again… but over the weekend my cravings just skyrocketed. Cravings are so stupid. My body doesn’t need the ice cream. My body doesn’t need the extra pounds I’m carrying around. But my body also has these major cravings for these foods. So Saturday and Sunday I gave in and ate some bad things. Of course my weight is back up again. Still not bad, 153, but I want to get down to that 148 again and stay there! Ugh.

And of course my social anxiety also changes. I just get used to handling it with my PMS and then I have to learn to handle it without my PMS all over again. Each month I have to rediscover how to handle these changes all over again. I don’t have a very good emotional memory of it. I don’t have a very good memory period.
And so I get nervous and shy again. I get stuck in these thinking and behaving patterns. Really, I know that I shouldn’t be afraid of people. People can’t hurt me. People won’t hurt me. And so what if some people don’t like me. I’m so sensitive to how people act toward me, right or wrong. I want to be solid within myself, be me, instead of a leaf in the wind.

SA just sucks. PMS sucks. Loosing weight sucks. But I guess if I didn’t have these problems I’d have other problems to deal with. I think, really, if I could have any problem, it wouldn’t be SA. I’d chose just about anything other than SA.

This morning in Salt Lake City, Utah, it is 23 degrees.  Brrrr. I don’t like the cold. I like the long dark nights. I like the rain and clouds and snow (snow only through December), but I do not like the cold.

23 Is just too cold.

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I must eat better. I’ve been eating too much, more than my body needs, and not healthy foods.   Yesterday at our work Halloween potluck I did fairly well until someone unveiled the chocolate cake.  Fortunately I was already mostly full of carrots and cauliflower and broccoli.  But I had a small peice.  My weight didn’t go up today though, I wasn’t hungry for dinner and so didn’t eat much last night.

I have such troubles at night. I want to eat, find it comforting, even when I’m not hungry. I should knit instead. It keeps my fingers occupied and then I don’t put on he excess weight.  I’m only at 153 right now, and want to get back down to 148. I was quite happy there.

As for my own eating…!

Well, I don’t eat much variety. I’ve been cracking down in the last four days to get more on plan, to drop these last 10 pounds I have. It could be more than 10, I have some big thighs and some fattiness around my hips. I know it’s too much because it rolls, and that’s not good. I want to be thin and healthy.

It’s interesting how much food permeates my life. When I sit at home at night I just want to munch, even though I’m not hungry. It’s like this constant companion, food, that I want to have around me and eating. Even when I know I don’t need it. I guess it’s how I was raised. And it’s everywhere in our society.

I want to just eat when I’m hungry, and then only enough so that I’m no longer hungry. I’m not too terrible active, I jog a bit and do things with the dogs, but it’s not like I’m working in the fields 16 hours a day, or running after game.

Mostly I’ve been eating Eggplant Lasagne. And salads. But I don’t really like lettuce, I’ve finally decided. I really dislike Romaine, unless it has a dressing on it. Green and Red Lettuce is okay, but I still don’t care for it much plain. I like raw Spinach plain but it’s more expensive.

I also love my apple pita bake for dessert every day. Yummy. And smoothies, and apples and bananas. I was eating a lot of cooked cabbage but then I got some bad stuff and kinda stopped. I do have a need for cooked foods, and I think it’s purely in my mind. It’s comforting to eat cooked foods. And I like the taste better, too.

Tonight I’ll probably have asparagus for dinner, steamed, and my APB for dessert. And maybe some steamed cauliflower.

I’m going away for the weekend, and I have no idea what to bring to eat. Probably beans. I can’t leave the dogs in the car to go shopping, way too hot.

Well! I can just talk about what I eat! Now that is a great subject. And what I feed the dogs.

I’m excited about following the Eat To Live plan, presented by Dr Joel Furhman. Excellent plan. I started eating this way in March of 2005, and in three months I dropped 20 pounds! I was stunned! The weight just fell off me. It was awesome.

It’s been over a year now since I started, and this year I’ve dropped 5 more pounds for a total of 25. I’m down to 145 pounds. I’m 5′7”, and so 170 was waaaaay too heavy for me. But back 25 pounds ago, I couldn’t loose a pound no matter what I tried. Exercise didn’t help, and no I wasn’t willing to jog 30 miles a week ack. And calorie restriction on SAD just left me hungry all the time.

So E2L is awesome, and I’ll eat this way the rest of my life. Of course sometimes I splurge. But that’s okay. And I shoul probably drop another 10 pounds, but I’m quite happy with where I am. How’s that for odd!

As for feeding the dogs, I’m considering going RAW, or partially raw, for them. I’m really not a fan of dried processed dog foods. I eat healthy myself, why don’t I feed the dogs what is best for them? I’m looking into it.