Luna Tail

I miss Angel very much. We adopted Angel in March of 2002. Only 8 years go. We didn’t know how old she was when she came to live with us. But when we let her go, May 13, 2010, we think she was acting about 14 years old.

It was her time. I’ve been spilling a lot of tears, because I miss her. Our time with her was much too short. Some friends got us some very nice things in her memory… flowers, a little bird bath outdoor décor little decoration, and some Oregano. I planted the Oregano in a new fun pot in the back yard.

My heart will be sore for some time. I think I can feel her spirit around me, though. I love you Angel.

Well this is not the end of this blog, or the end of me… hopefully. But it might soon be the end for Angel, our sweet smooth blue collie girl who came to live with us in March of 2002.

I am not a religious person… in fact, I don’t know if any God or gods exist. I don’t know if religion is really the answer, or the means, or anything. I just think that we need to believe that which makes us most happy. That which makes us get through the day, and when life is at and end, that which makes us feel like we need to when the end is near.

I think there is something after life… beyond life, other than this life. I don’t know what it is. I think it’s probably something that cannot be comprehended by our small human brains. I don’t like the idea of the Rainbow Bridge for dogs. Where dogs go to wait for us after they die. I want my dogs to be free after they die, to do whatever they want to do, and not wait around for me. I was important to them in this life, and I hope to be important after, but I don’t want their afterlife to be centered around me. I want them to be free and do what they want to do.

Anyway, at the end of the day… or at the end of our lives, nothing really matters but our faith, no matter what that is. Maybe it’s even science, if that’s our faith. But when our bodies give out, and stop working, there are no more things. There’s no more money. There’s nothing but those we love, and who love us, and the faith we have in what comes after. And so I have faith that Angel, when it’s her time and it may be her time soon, will be released from these physical bonds and be free and be everything.

I’m not crying as I write this, I was crying earlier as we went to the vet to get some blood work done on her. And I know I’ll cry some more. But for now, I can try to smile and laugh and even joke a little bit, to make things more bearable, maybe use some acne lotion because I’m breaking out from stress. And yeah, I’m more stressed than I want to admit. I love my Pumpkin Pie girl, and I don’t want her to go. And I don’t want her to suffer, either. *sigh*

Yes, I do wish I could just be dumb.  I feel dumb a lot of the time… mostly at my work.  And you know, this blog is cool because no one can tell me otherwise!

Okay Okay I know I’m not really dumb.  I just feel a lot of pressure a lot of the time to be smart.  And I feel stress and anxiety when it comes to that.  I just want to be me. Be natural. Instead I feel like I have to perform. And when I feel forced to perform like that, I freeze up and shut down and I just can’t do it.

I love the dog training because my whole life doesn’t depend on it.  I like that’s it’s a pleasure and a hobby and a labor of love.  Maybe I’m feeling stressed now because my husband isn’t working at all so it’s all on me.  But I’ve never felt that way before so I don’t know if it’s the case now.  Maybe it’s because I’m under three years to retirement, and I’m terrified I’ll be laid off before I get to retire.

Ugh. Either way, I just want to be okay to be dumb if I am dumb. Slow if I am slow. And smart or fast if I am those too.  I don’t want the pressure!  Maybe the pressure is what is behind it all. I just don’t know. Ugh.

So as you guys probably know I got the most wonderful puppy back in July. He’s six months old now and he is still the most wonderful puppy. I hope he doesn’t grow up too fast because it’s just so much fun to have a wiggly silly puppy in the house.

Jet trusts me so completely. This might be a dog related post, but it’s kid related too. And just a general trust post so I thought I’d put it here instead of my dog blog. Anyway I am just amazed at how completely he trusts me. He lets me hold him upside down, lift him, take things from him, give things to him… he flops on me in lots of ways with no thought of falling or being treated poorly. I assume young children are just exactly like this. Do young kids have trust as their default? Are they born with trusting their parents entirely?

I have had so many dogs through my home that don’t trust me. And as an adult human I don’t trust too many people. It seems, as adult humans, we don’t tend to trust easily. Trust has to be earned. We have been disappointed way too many times.

What if our trust was never betrayed, from the time we were little kids, and we trusted people by default? And people were trustworthy? I just wonder what the world would be like. Totally different… and human nature would not let that happen. But it’s an interesting idea anyway. Maybe in 4396510 years humans will evolve to a point where we will be trustworthy. Until then.. I will cherish my little boy Jet and appreciate all the trust he gives me. And protect him as much as I can. I want him to know the world is a safe place. I will make the world a safe place for him. Unlike a human kid, he won’t ever go out on his own and need to be a skeptic. I’ll always watch over him.

This may not seem like anything cool to most people… LOL but my nose is running, and I’m glad of it!  I swear my nose has been packed solid for over a year. I went into the doctor last year this time for help.. she gave me the Nasacort and Allegra and told me to call her if it didn’t work. Well, it never really worked.  But I started doing the Nasal Flush, Cleanse, whatever you want to call it, and that works!

It’s really gross at first, it kinda feels like going swimming and having my nose fill up with water. But after I do it a while, it feels actually very good! I’ve been trying to do it about four times a day, three times in each nostril when I do it. It’s pretty gross to have the water come out the other nostril and my mouth too, but I do think it’s clearing me up.

Muffit and his Tongue

I’m still a bit sick, and taking it easy.. training the dogs a little bit.  And reading. Yeap, I’m reading an actual book. I haven’t read a book in years. I love to read, mostly I’ve been listening to books on CD now. But I like Legend of the Seeker on our channel 30 here in Utah, and I got the books from Paper Back Swap so I’m reading the first one, Wizard’s First Rule. And I rather like it! I’ll have to see if my sister wants it after I’m done. It’s a huge book. I’m liking both the TV show and the books, though they are pretty different. I don’t mind, I can actually enjoy them both even if they are different!

(This is just a cute random picture of Muffit… gotta love that tongue! He’s a border collie boy.)

And I’m not eating very well being sick… I downed almost an entire chocolate orange yesterday. Ugh. Maybe diet pills would help me eat better when I’m sick. I need to get back to salad today. I ate oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast (yum!) and an apple just now.

I hope to go visit Sasha, our foster collie we had for a few days, later this afternoon. I’ll take Tatum with as she needs to get out, she’s been bored lately.  But for now, I’m going to sit and read for an hour or so and relax.  I do like to relax!

I’m going to start posting my dreams here instead of on my dream diary, pixietail.com. Mainly because I don’t have the time or energy to keep four blogs going. Just three… I think three will be fine. LOL. So here is my dream from last night…

I dreamed that I was at a dog agility trial… and I had an RV, or was staying in someone’s RV, and it was parked up a very steep slope in a canyon. And yes, the RV was on a tilt so staying in was actually quite difficult. LOL it was probably a 30 degree slope or something. And at the beginning there was a very attractive man there, he has curly blond hair and I wanted to talk to him but I was a bit shy so I didn’t, and then he left.

So I went down to watch the dog agility and I was wondering when I was up in the running order. But the agility was on a big track like a track and field track. And other things were going on too but I didn’t really see what. Then a person took her dog out and she was small and far away, as I was up high on the bleachers. And she ran a bit and her dog did a few obstacles, but then she just took off running as fast as she could and the dog followed her and sped ahead of her. And she had to do that for seven and a half minutes before her run was over. LOL weird.

I kept looking around for the running order and trying to find out what these new rules were but I couldn’t find them anywhere. So I went back to the RV that was still on a slant and kinda forgot about the dog sports.

I started looking for some jewelry I’d hidden earlier that was very important and maybe mystical. Oh and weird now I remember that I was reading a book that was what the Harry Potter books had been based on. So they were similar but different and it was disturbing me (dang this dream just keeps going on and on). There were tunnels and magic but Harry was different and so were the other characters. Hrm..

Anyway so back in the RV I see the guy again that has blond curly hair but he’s a bit different, and I realize he’s not the same guy, he’s not quite as attractive as the other had been. So he starts to talk to me and tells me it was his brother I had seen earlier (I wonder if I got this from seeing pictures of Tatum’s sister yesterday?). The names of the brothers were Tristan and Mannny (or Mandadin or something) and the one I was talking to was, I think, Tristan but I’m not sure. Anyway he told me his brother was a bit nasty and was wanting me to want him more, and was up in the balcony watching us. So I looked up and sure enough there he was, but he was angry that Tristan was coming on to me now.

Tristan was gorgeous and hot and so we started flirting and then he drew me to the top of the crooked RV and we slide the shade closed and he made his move on me and it was quite wonderful. He was much nicer than his brother, he was genuine where his brother just wanted to score. So I was very grateful that he had come down and was interested in me and stopped his brother from getting to me first.

That was when I woke up. LOL what a fun dream that was. Lots of things in it. I do love to dream it is quite fun!

I took the dogs to the dog park a week or so ago.. and I love this shot of Tatum. The Dog Park is a great place for pictures!

I have to apologize for not updating… my host had a hard drive failure and I’ve been recovering. I am still recovering and it’s been over a month.

Well I’m back from St. George, Utah, and flyball with my dog Chase. Muffit and Tatum came along for the ride too. It was fun. I pulled the trailer down on my own… the first time I ever took it on my own. I was scared and nervous until about half way home today. Then my nerves finally settled and I was fine.

I also had a passenger, a 14 year old girl who is a member of our flyball team, and her border collie. It went well though I was nervous about what we’d talk about and I’m always a bit shy as I don’t know her too well. But she’s super nice and it was fun. And I was nervous about the van and the trailer and getting there okay, but it went just fine. The van pulled the trailer nicely I will admit. Better than my old Outback did. My drive home was by myself, and it the weather was nice and the traffic was good.

So when I go to more dog shows next summer, or Vegas vacations, I can take the trailer myself. Now, though, I’m just glad to be home and I’m rather glad to be done with traveling for dogs sports for the year. The next trip is the cruise, end of October. For a while, i get to have some weekends off and to rest!

I swear I dreamed a lot last night. Every time I was waking up, I was coming out of a different dream. I only really remember one, though. I have put a pad of paper by my bed, and I need a pen to join it, so I can write dreams down as I wake up.

I dreamed that my husband and I were driving to a park.. and it was night, maybe 1am or so. The car we were in was tiny, and kinda made of a plastic mesh so wasn’t very secure. We had four dogs with us, one of them was Hudson, one of the collies we got from Houston last year in September. And my husband let him out, and the others, and I got so mad and paniced because I was afraid he would not come back.

Our other dogs came back just fine… oh, and there was a flying fish crossing the road! LOL I remember it, moving along like a snake, and my husband wanted to go see it so we backed up and parked and saw it in the stream on the right side of the road. Strange stuff. He wanted to catch it for dinner and I said no way, keep the poor thing alive!

LOL strange dreams. Maybe I’ll dream of a new car, as I want one.. a minivan. And I can get an auto insurance quote online to see how much I’d need to pay for it! But I’m not sure I can afford a payment right now. Bleh.

Last night I dreamed that we were setting up crates in some sort of store, like a petsmart or something. And it was kinda for dog adoptions, but kinda not, because we had our own dogs with us and they were going to be crated in the store.

It was for Christmas. And we were installing these crates permanently in the concrete of the store’s floor. We were going to attach the crates to the concrete and we had a whole setup and it was taking us some time to do. The store didn’t sell any acne cures, but maybe for Christmas it could have!

The crates didn’t quite fit, and I was asking who was in charge so as to organize it all. And I guess no one was in charge… but another girl and I said that someone had to be in charge because humans responded better that way. So then there was a big fight about who would be in charge.

Too weird of a dream! I can remember it pretty vividly now, too. And also going to a lunch with Levi being near me in the outdoor restaurant. Heh. Vivid dreams are pretty interesting things!