Jan 07 2010
I Wish I Could Just Be Dumb
Yes, I do wish I could just be dumb. I feel dumb a lot of the time… mostly at my work. And you know, this blog is cool because no one can tell me otherwise!
Okay Okay I know I’m not really dumb. I just feel a lot of pressure a lot of the time to be smart. And I feel stress and anxiety when it comes to that. I just want to be me. Be natural. Instead I feel like I have to perform. And when I feel forced to perform like that, I freeze up and shut down and I just can’t do it.
I love the dog training because my whole life doesn’t depend on it. I like that’s it’s a pleasure and a hobby and a labor of love. Maybe I’m feeling stressed now because my husband isn’t working at all so it’s all on me. But I’ve never felt that way before so I don’t know if it’s the case now. Maybe it’s because I’m under three years to retirement, and I’m terrified I’ll be laid off before I get to retire.
Ugh. Either way, I just want to be okay to be dumb if I am dumb. Slow if I am slow. And smart or fast if I am those too. I don’t want the pressure! Maybe the pressure is what is behind it all. I just don’t know. Ugh.
I really think it is this bad air we are breathing these days. I feel terrible and it hurts my lungs to breath this crude.
But talk about being dumb – I can no longer answer all of S’s questions. He asks such hard one these days, that I just dont have the answers! at least your pups dont talk, heeheehee.
XOXOX
Hehe I am quite glad the pups don’t talk!
Yeah this cruddy air is really bad too, isn’t it. I didn’t even think about that. YUCK.