Oct 19 2009
Anxiety Under My Skin
So I think I’ve figured out a huge thing with how I’m feeling… the crawling sensation that I get under my skin that I have been thinking is the Candida. Well, now I think it’s anxiety.
I think I’ve been internalizing my anxiety and, as weird as it may sound, it’s been manifesting underneath my skin and just above my muscles.
I’ve mentioned before that I have trouble doing things… various things, but really all things, that would be responsible to do. Like taking vitamins for instance. I take them for a while, but then I stop because suddenly the anxiety comes up and I don’t take them anymore. I’ve said that I can obsess about things, such as knitting or jogging, and then after a while I stop that, too. But now I wonder if it’s obsessing, or if it’s just this same barrier that I keep hitting.
Just like hitting hard classroom desks or a brick wall, my anxiety comes up and it prevents me from doing what I want to do. I’ll tell you sometimes I have no idea how I’ve been involved in dog training and dogs for so long. I guess my passion outweighs the anxiety. But for the most part I can only do things for so long and then I stop cold. (Well, except for watching TV or movies too, but that’s an escape so doesn’t count.)
So now I’m trying to feel the anxiety. Look at it. When I do, it doesn’t get under my skin and I don’t feel the crawling pain so much. So that’s good! But, of course, anxiety sucks and I hate feeling it. Anxiety likes to protect itself and to do so it distracts the mind to look at something else. So I have to force myself to see the anxiety and feel it.
So I’m trying that now. I don’t even know what is causing the anxiety.. what thoughts? What habits? What feelings? How does taking vitamins make me anxious? I think there’s an underlying common component that I have yet to discover.
I think this is a big step for me though!
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