Luna Tail

Anxiety Makes Me Anxious

Filed Under (Health) by Cynthia on Oct 15, 2009 3:49 pm

Tagged Under : Candida, Lyme, Physical Health

I hate anxiety. It’s the stupid thing that plagues me more than anything else. I guess everyone has to have some stupid thing they have to deal with… even with my Zoloft I still feel more anxiety than I really would ever want to. But then I’d want to feel none at all and that is probably too much to ask. But I would at least like to feel none a lot of the time, instead of having a low-grade anxiety always lingering somewhere by my backbone.

I think that my Candida and Lyme and all that junk is tied into the constant buzz of anxiety my body feels. Maybe some cross country movers would help me feel better… or moving across country, anyway. But I dunno. I try to sit and look at my anxiety and deal with it and relax… and I just feel more anxiety.

I know I need to meditate or exercise or just do relaxation or breathing exercises… but even those things just cause my anxiety to escalate. And so, of course, I avoid them. I know that facing my anxiety does cause it to diminish… but it’s so hard to face something that first escalates the thing you want most to avoid. Bleh.

Anyway, my muscles still shimmer with a bit of pain, though it’s not as bad as it used to be. My neck still hurts… when I crack it. Which is about half the time now. I’m getting better at remembering not too but it’s hard to remember a habit that’s so habitual you don’t even think about it anymore.

I think I’m in a viscous circle where my physical discomfort causes mental discomfort and then the mental causes the physical and on and on it goes…. so I need to stop one of them and the other will follow suit. I am feeling a lot better physcially than I was. So that’s good. Maybe I’m feeling better enough that I’m noticing the bad feelings even more, if that makes any sense.

Well, I am eating better and I go back to the doc on Monday for a checkup. So hopefully that’ll go well too. I hate making that drive, and I don’t have an audio book right now… maybe I need to find one for Monday.