Feb 08 2009
Another Bad PMS Day
The good thing about today is that I have no responsibilities. I have nothing to do. I can just sit and be a vegetable all day long. Unlike the last couple of months where I had foster dogs and other stressful things to deal with. Oh yeah and the threat of losing my job. However I think the job is okay… or at least I hope so. We have not been worrying about it so much at work for a while now.
Today is Day 26, one of the nasty days. I was just standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror feeling awful, like I want to cry, like I want to scream and shout and I hate the world and everyone and everything is against me… and I stare at myself and I think no, these feelings are not real. They are a result of a hormone imbalance or my brain misfiring. It’s odd, to stand there and just feel your emotions and realize they do not reflect reality.
It’s not fair, really. Emotions are supposed to guide us and help us through life, right? But sometimes emotions do the opposite. They set us up for failure and destruction. They give us the wrong signals… inaccurate signals about our insides and the world around us. Like Corum watches gone bad… a clock giving us the wrong time.
It’s too hard, suffering from Anxiety or Depression or PMS or PMDD… I don’t know if humans are capable of going from day to day realizing that our emotions are incorrect, they don’t reflect reality, and still feel them and live healthy happy lives. I wish it were. I don’t think it is. Other than therapy and drugs and supplements and exercise, I don’t know how else to do it. And I’ve been fighting it for probably twenty years now.\
At least I can know my emotions are unrealistic, and I can go on and also know that in a few days I’ll feel a lot better. For that I am thankful.
Sorry you are not up to par today. and it is so wierd that we are so different in this area. today is day 29 for me. I am a day late. which really never happens, must be the stress and sickness. anyways-I hope your day goes good today. love ya lot XO