Where Do I Fit?
Filed Under (Anxiety) by Cynthia on May 16, 2008 12:59 pm
Tagged Under : Anxiety, Friends, Mental Health
Fitting in with people is, to put it lightly, hard. When I was younger I used to think I could get along with just about anyone. As I get older, I am pickier, and I think I maybe I can tolerate anyone. 
But sometimes it’s just hard!
I missed out on a lot of social development when I was in my early 20s. Due to being filled with anxiety and fear and a lack of self confidence, I really didn’t develop friendships or learn how to keep friends. Grade School and High School didn’t help, either. Grade School I had the most awful ‘friends’, and in Jr. High one day one of my ‘friends’ decided to stop talking to me. So suddenly, mortified and humiliated, I was alone and friendless.
In my 20s I jumped from emotionally unstable man to emotionally unstable man until my divorce when I realized I needed to figure out what was going on with me, and why I was choosing such men. And yes, it was me, choosing such men. It wasn’t that all men are bad or awful. It’s that boy.. can I pick ‘em. 
Anyway, so now that I’m much more comfortable with myself and confident, I’m being more social. But that is hard, too. And I don’t want to be clicky or snobby, but I am finding that some people I fit with better than others. Is that clicky? I don’t know. I think, though, it’s normal.
And so now, beginning my 40s, I’m trying to find out how to tell those I like and that I fit with, that I want to spend time with them. And tell those I don’t really fit with very well, to tell them that I don’t really want to spend time with them. Of course I can’t come out and say these things, it’s not socially acceptable… is it? And so I try to say it with actions.. and lately I’ve been screwing that up. But this subtlety escapes me and I’m trying to learn all the trickiness of how this works.
Without, of course, feeling hurt myself.. which I don’t do, because if someone doesn’t want to spend time with me, more power to ‘em I say. But I don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. And I hope they will have the same attitude, more power to everyone else.
An old friend of mine, her mother used to say, “there’s no pot so crooked that a lid won’t fit.” So really, everyone will find people they fit with, right?
Ugh.. it’s just hard.
What do you do… how do you give clues to people you want to spend time with them, or you don’t?
On this day..
- My Neck Is Scaring Me A Bit - 2009
- Woo Hoo First Payout! - 2007
- Have To - 2007
You don’t necessarily have to tell other people outright that you don’t wanna spend time with them. It’s just not nice. As you said, others have feelings also. We are by nature social beings and require to interact, have relationships in different degrees. We ‘click’ with others and just end up as acquaintances with others. nonetheless, whatever our differences may be with everyone, we should keep in mind that we are all brothers and sisters and should treat each other kindly with respect and love. By doing this we might just forget our anxieties of who to relate with or not. With love and respect, everything else will come secondary.