Luna Tail|Lunacy, Crabiness, Life

You know, I was thinking, about how this blog might be a bit boring to read. I think it’s because I don’t have any turmoil in my life, I’m not super into controversy, and I hate conflict and confrontation.

So life is just nice and easy and doing well. And my anxiety is so much more under control now that it is amazing. I absolutely love my Sertraline and I don’t think I ever ever ever want to live without it!

My emotions are so much more dulled, now. They used to be off the scale. If a normal emotional range for an ideal human being was 1 to 10, where 1 was sad and down, but not depressed… and 10 was joyful and happy and glad with life, my emotions ranged from probably a -50 to a +40. I swear. My emotions were so extreme.

Now, my emotions are within the 1 to 10 range. This does mean that I don’t often get affected by things… movies don’t make me cry as much, and I don’t get really happy, or really sad. But I did almost cry this morning, thinking about Hudson leaving. So probably my emotions are now in the 3-7 range. I don’t hit the extremes anymore.

I love it. I have been wanting this all my life! I’ve always, always said that I wanted to be an android, like Data, or a Vulcan, like Spock. I’d give up my emotions entirely, even the good, to have no emotion. This.. .this is better, though. Maybe this is what people are supposed to feel.

And maybe I can reward myself, sometime, by staying at the Sahara hotel.