Luna Tail

Not with crabs! I’m going on vacation for a week starting tomorrow, so won’t be posting until I get back. I did try the lid on the tank and it’s just a touch too narrow. Not sure how I’m going to fix that. I don’t want to send the lid back just for that. I might put something on the tank itself to hold it up.

I am busy busy busy with packing and getting dogs for rescue. So bye for now!

Okay, everything is done. Both for the dogs coming in from Houston, and for my company coming (I didn’t get the stairs vacuumed dangit). And I’m mostly packed already, did that last weekend. I will be gone between September 1 and September 8. I will most likely be posting on Tip Tail, but my other blogs will have a bit of down time as I’ll be too busy, and be having too much fun, to get on the laptop.

Anyway.. the stress is manageable, but not pleasant. Tomorrow will be the calm before the storm on Saturday. Really it shouldn’t be a storm, everything is covered. My sister and my friend M are going to pick up the dogs at the airport and deliver them to where they need to go. I will be doing agility, briefly in the morning (yeah, I feel guilty about doing that and not going to get the dogs, but my car is packed and so I wouldn’t be able to transport them anyway). My car isn’t big. I’d have to seatbelt dogs in, size 500 crates would not fit. Anyway, enough excuses. My friend Mi is coming from Denver tomorrow night, and my friend Ma is coming from Richfield. Goodness, I have a lot of M friends don’t I? LOL. Anyway, they are both staying the night here at our house, and then Saturday we are off! We are driving to Elko on Saturday.

So tomorrow I work all day, 10 hours, 6:30 to 5pm. I have to cover because the rest of my team is off. It’s going to be a long, slow day. But I have work to occupy me.

And now I just have to relax. I have to realize that asking for help is okay. I do think I am a control freak. I like to do everything myself, and when I ask for help I feel… I dunno, maybe helpless. Out of control. I like to have my hands in things and be in control! But it’ll be okay. I have reliable friends. And anyway, I’ll have my cel l with me and they can contact me if needed.

So I can just calm down and relax now. Ha ha ha.. well, if I’m capibile of it yet. When I’m at camp I will relax. Though it may take me a couple of days to calm down. Wine in front of the big campfire at night, I remember how nice and wonderful it was last year. And the weather is supposed to be perfect! High 70s to low 80s all week. Woo!

I may not post here much more before I live. So check out Tip Tail for my camp updates!

I am working from home today and the maid service is here (can you believe it’s been a whole month?). And the dogs are being strangely quiet. We are all downstairs while she is upstairs. And when she is done we will switch. having six dogs be quiet when a stranger walks around upstairs is amazing!

I’m still stressed but forcing myself to take it easy. Maybe I need some Botox for migraines, though I haven’t been getting migraines, thank the gods. Just regular old annoying headaches. And when I’m on the computer my whole body tenses up, I have to change that!

My anxiety level has been over the top the last couple of weeks. Why oh why does everything have to happen at the same time? Not only am I leaving for Dog Camp this Saturday morning, I have four rescue collies being flown in from Houston on Saturday that I have to arrange transport for because I won’t be here, and foster homes or boarding for all of them. Ugh.

When I look at this logically, I know that I can handle it. When I look at it from an anxiety perspective, with my history and the meds I am on, I think I’m really over the top anxiety wise. I think the Zoloft is really dulling my emotions so I don’t actually feel the anxiety I would otherwise feel about this.

I lay in bed at night and I think.. what am I doing? Why do I think I can handle and place all these dogs? I have an awful belief deep down that people will just know somehow, when they see a collie on petfinder, that it’s me who is placing this dog and the people will just be turned away. Like I have some awful aura that really shuts people down and repels them. Logically I know this isn’t true. And I have to dispute my irrational thoughts like I have been taught.

I even bought some Karma Beads yesterday to help with my relaxation, and also some aromatherapy to calm me down. The beads might not be fashion jewelry, but I think I am really liking wooden jewelry. It’s brings me back down to earth, which is something I really need right now. I also bought probiotics, and drinks with vitamins and that grass that is supposed to be so good for you. And kava tea, I love kava tea.

And so disputing my irrational thoughts… I called three people last week about collies that I placed into homes, and I was starting to get worried because none of them called me back. Well, within the last couple of days two of them emailed me and gave me wonderful, great stories of how well their dogs are doing. So that means I do have success stories and the dogs and people are happy.

I am very good with dogs, I know this. The dogs that come into my home do very well and get a lot of confidence. So I can do that, too. My husband is very patient with me.

Ooohh… and another thing that really puts my anxiety through the roof is asking people for help. Since I’ll be out of town starting Saturday, I have to ask for help. Ugh! I hate it. I feel like I’m putting people out. Even though they are more than welcome to say no and set their boundaries. Still, asking for help feels, to me, like pulling teeth. I really wish I had another person, or two, here in Salt Lake who loved the collies as much as me and could work really closely with me. I have people who I do work with and they are wonderful, but most are not able to take collies as fosters. And we need fosters!

Anyway, mornings are better for me, evenings are worse. So I’m good right now. But as the day goes by I’ll get worse. I have to slow down, keep myself safe, and live in the present moment.

Woo Hoo. My glass lid came for the tank, and my thermometer and humidy meter. So all I really need now is sand. Oh and to knit up some hemp climbing things for them… ugh, hammocks that is what they are called. LOL my brain is not too sharp today.

I plan on getting play sand this weekend. Then this coming week at work I’ll set it all up! I’m excited. I hope this lid fits. I measured and I think it will be okay, but not 100% certain. I guess we’ll see.

gauge

Ugh. My nose is stuffy. My whole face feels stuffy. I’ve been using nose spray to sleep, but I hate the stuff. And I don’t want to use it every day. It is supposed to be bad if you use it for more than 3 days, but I just can’t sleep! I’ll have to put it on my list if I don’t get better before camp. But I feel like crap. I’ve been washing clothes too, got all my blankets washed. I need to buy another set of single bed sheets this weekend. I am so run down. This is not a good time to get sick.

The maids are coming again on Wednesday. Yay! Just before company comes. I’m having two ladies stay with me before we drive out together, caravan, for camp Saturday morning. So that’ll be perfect that the house will be (mostly) clean.

I have my cell phone ready (I bought more minutes, a year plan it’s a prepay phone) and my term life insurance is all up to date in case there are any bad things that happen going to camp and back. Hopefully it’ll be smooth. I’m scared about the weather. I can’t drive in weather, so I hope it’s clear and dry.

Crap, one week from today I leave for dog camp. I still have to go buy frozen raw mixes for the boys, get their fecals done, and a zillion other things…. ugh. I have a list, that keeps me sane, so I won’t forget anything. I packed a number of things into the car today and will be doing more this weekend, gotta wash some clothes first.

I was looking through some brochures today and when I get back from camp I want to get either a wardrobe or a nice huge closet for the spare bedroom. Powell furniture has some good options. I’m going to look around locally, too.

We have a small closet in each bedroom and hardly any space for putting folded clothes. I’ve seen some great options for huge wardrobes and I would love one of those. I’d also like a CD/DVD cabinet for downstairs to keep all my mini disks in, and all my big disks too. I am getting a ton, since I have my new camcorder.

Okay I’m definitely sick. *cough cough* I get this way every few months, and I am going to start tracking it on this blog. Usually it comes with the seasonal changes, but it’s still high summer. It could be because of camp and because I’m trying to get some rescue collies here from Houston, and that is really taxing my anxiety. I have to call people on the phone (ack!) and talk to them, and be honest and frank, and coordinate transportation from a distance. But I’m holding up okay, thanks to the Zoloft.

I wake up okay in the mornings, but then as the day goes by I feel worse and worse. Run down, tired, grumpy, and my insides are just mucky. Yeah… mucky. That does fit how I feel. Mucky and Muddy, even. As strange as that may sound. Going to dog camp will help and be a lot of fun. I won’t be staying at a Bed and Breakfast, instead it’s cabins like in Scouts, but it’ll be fun, it was great last time. I am so excited!

When I got onto this blog this morning… I was surprised to see that the skin had reverted back to the default skin. Hrm… now that was odd. I went in and changed it back to this one, thankful that nothing had been sabotaged on the blog or on the server.

Not sure why the skin would have changed back. Though I do hear it’s Weird Internet Day today.. maybe that is why. Anyone here having weird things happen?

I have to do something to make my perception of the passing of the day slow down. I swear, entire days fly by for me now. What used to take forever, as a kid, now seems like a half an hour.

Some things make my days go by too fast. Blogging, unfortunately, does. When I post and read all day long the days just jet by. I don’t hardly even notice the time pass then suddenly it’s time for bed. Work makes time go by fast, too, but I can’t get around work for a few years so have to just try to slow it down.

Sitting and enjoying the backyard, the summertime, and the dogs helps the time to slow down. And so what am I doing? Sitting here blogging. But not for too much longer.

Oh, and TV and movies help the time to go slower. Not as slowly as idle time, but slower than blogging. Computers.. I swear, they suck the time down to some other alternate universe or something. Hrm.