Luna Tail|Lunacy, Crabiness, Life

So tonight at flyball practice I got yelled at. Ugh. And I knew it was coming, because the person who did the yelling does it quite often at others. And with Chase’s pads being torn and broken, he couldn’t practice.

But you know what? I think I did well. I didn’t yell back. I was nice. However, I did feel like I had to leave. I went so I could help out, but I figured it wasn’t worth it. I don’t like to be spoken to like that. Though I understand the speaker may not be aware, or really understand, what she is doing. And I like her anyway.

So I did step away, and the tears came. But they were really weird tears. Because inside I really felt okay. I knew myself, knew how I felt, knew what I had to do to take care of myself… I talked to some of the other girls, off to the side, who had already been yelled at, and commiserated with them a bit. I could laugh about it even while the tears were running out my eyes.

I’ve learned a lot over the last few years. I really like my friends I have in flyball now, and agility, and I’m so glad I’m doing this. No one that hasn’t experienced Anxiety can understand the thrill I feel that I actually have friends. Now that makes me cry. I mean look at me… I’m actually out there, taking the risk of getting yelled at, and making friends, even with my social and general anxiety. So really, tonight was a good step for me. It was an affirmation that I am doing what I want to do, handling it (okay not really too well, but I know that about myself), and moving on.

Woo Hoo.

So even though it was stressful, it was okay. And I came home early with the boys and am letting Chase rest, because the dogs are my number one priority.