Trusting Ourselves
I was reading a blog post over at Anxious Living and it really struck a chord in me.
Do I trust myself? No, I don’t, really. Logically when I look at my life, I really like the life I have built for myself. Finally I fought my codependency and won. I have a great husband, I actually am building friendships, and I’m doing what I love.
So why don’t I trust myself? And what, actually, don’t I trust?
I don’t trust my emotional interpretation of a situation. Mainly because I think, most of my life, I have reacted poorly, or inappropriately, to things. I don’t really know how to deal with my anger, accept it, and use it for my benefit without hurting anyone else. I don’t really know, but I’m learning, what behavior is okay to accept from other people… toward me. But I’m learning. I am.
I don’t trust my judgment of how good of work I do. I’m biased… usually towards the negative, or toward the pessimistic end.
And, the worst thing for agility, I don’t trust that I am worthy of being really good at something, and winning, and qualifying regularly.
Heck, I don’t even trust my ability to clean my house just ‘right’, or to cook just ‘right’. But then ‘right’ for me, and many SAers, is about ‘perfect’. Which I am not, and never will be, and want to learn to accept.
It’s good to know these things about myself. It’s the only way to really fight them, and turn them around. And so I live and learn, and read other people’s ideas. Because I can’t fix myself, and my life, with only my own thoughts rattling around in my head. Sometimes I need other people’s thoughts, because mine tend to get stuck. And mostly on bad things. 
Tags: Anxiety, Mental Health
May 25th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Hi there. Wow.
That’s quite a lot of honesty and I admire it! I recently went to some therapy sessions called “family constellation therapy.” At the risk of being too extravagant in my explanation, I really suggest and recommend that you look it up and get a session anywhere you can locally. It will change your life, and will directly positively affect your anxiety problem. 
May 25th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Hi there. Wow.
That's quite a lot of honesty and I admire it! I recently went to some therapy sessions called "family constellation therapy." At the risk of being too extravagant in my explanation, I really suggest and recommend that you look it up and get a session anywhere you can locally. It will change your life, and will directly positively affect your anxiety problem. 