Have To
Tagged Under : Anxiety, Mental Health
One thing that causes me no end of anxiety, and happens almost on an hourly basis for me, is the thought of having to do something.
I must balance my check book. I must meet people to get a new collie into rescue, I must put the dishes away, I must wash my clothes.
Yes, the anxiety rears it’s ugly head even for simple things like washing my stupid clothes. 
I think I wrote in another post about how my anxiety is like the Red Knight in the Fisher King. Or a Red Demon, in my case. It is in the center of my chest, and locks me down so that I don’t want to do what I think I must.
It applies to my job, too. But what applies more so to my job is when I don’t know something, and I’m afraid that I’m going to get yelled at, or much worse, fired, for not knowing something. Have I ever been yelled at for that at work? No. But I was when I was younger. At least I think so. I always feel like I should Know More Than I Do. Or I’ll get punished in some way.
I have a secret to tell, but I actually feel really odd about saying something on my blog that even my own family doesn’t know about. I don’t talk much to my family. Except my sister. I love talking to my sister. But it’s hard for me to really talk to my Mom and Dad. I wish it was easier.
[tags]social anxiety, general anxiety, anxiety, have to, fisher king[/tags]
Wow that’s crazy. I think my mom may have that but she doesn’t even know. I see her doing some of the same things you said. She ALWAYS has something she has to do and barely sits down to relax.
Wow that's crazy. I think my mom may have that but she doesn't even know. I see her doing some of the same things you said. She ALWAYS has something she has to do and barely sits down to relax.