Jun 28 2006
Being Honest
Okay, I’m in sensitive mode today. PMS and all.. I will admit it. The Agnus Castus keeps it under control, but I still have some. And when I do, my SA fires up like a.. well, like a fire under my gut.
Anyway. So I post my opinion, my cold hard opinion, and then five minutes later I’m terrified of what people will think of me.
Oh sure, I know, they don’t matter, right? Yeah I know that in my logical head, but it doesn’t stick in my emotional head.
I just was saying to someone about people who give their animals away for free. You know, dog or cat companion animals. Who are these freakin’ idiots anyway? How can you give your dog away for free? A dog you’ve had for, say, five years? A dog you have come to know and love? Yeah, I have a dog, okay? And I would not give this dog away for anything in the world.
So why do I care that I post this opinion? I mean, it’s a valid opinion. So what about stating this opinion scares me?
Good crap, I’m even agreeing with the original poster. But it’s hard for me to be as harsh as I just tried to be. Because… you know why, and this is why.
Because no matter how many replies I can think that a person will give me, always, every single time, someone throws me for a loop and replies in a way I never expected. And it can be demeaning, or insulting, or in some way cause me to feel like an idiot. And I don’t have a come-back. I’m not a witty person by nature. My therapist, when I saw her some years ago, told me that I don’t need to come up with a witty, intense reply right away. I can even say… I have to think about that. Then I can go think about my reply and give it later. Or not give one at all. Or whatever I choose.
So why on earth do I let them have such power over me?
Why do I let them have such Potential power over me?
Maybe I’m just tired today. I’m going to put in at least a 10 hour day today. After two 11 hour days. I’m in a dream state still. I’m not on top of my game at all. And I’m pissed as hell that we are going live on Monday and we are not running the information we must run in order to be even semi-ready on Monday.
Anyway… SCREW people. I want to be able to be brutally honest! Say what I think! So there!
Maybe some yelling about it will help me. =P
…. edit, it’s because no matter what I say, no matter how I say it, I have Learned Helplessness. And people will interpret it in ways that they want to, not in a way that I mean it. And they won’t LISTEN to me explain it. They will shut me out and ignore me, and demean me, and belittle me… and that, my dears is, I believe, what happened when I was little.
Learned Helplessness. What an amazing concept.
Maybe someday someone will actually agree with me (okay okay some people do and that’s why I hang out with them! 
)
OK, Francis, I’ll bite. How come no comments? Obviously I just stumbled on your blog since I don’t know you, and found it amusing and a bit exhausting. Amusing in that you have a somewhat dry wit and a bit of tongue in cheek feistiness about your writing, and tiring because you maintain a constant argument with your self, and I’ll be damned if I can tell who’s winning!
Maybe you should recruit a line of eight judges like they do in those Olympic skating competition, and after each blog each judge could assign points, and then each month we will all know which of your aspects was the month’s winner. I don’t know whether we would have to award different points for more difficult self-arguments than for the more cut and dried variety. What do you think? There may even be a reality TV show here (if it works out, I get ten percent of your take – fair is fair). Bob
OK, Francis, I'll bite. How come no comments? Obviously I just stumbled on your blog since I don't know you, and found it amusing and a bit exhausting. Amusing in that you have a somewhat dry wit and a bit of tongue in cheek feistiness about your writing, and tiring because you maintain a constant argument with your self, and I'll be damned if I can tell who's winning!<br/>Maybe you should recruit a line of eight judges like they do in those Olympic skating competition, and after each blog each judge could assign points, and then each month we will all know which of your aspects was the month's winner. I don't know whether we would have to award different points for more difficult self-arguments than for the more cut and dried variety. What do you think? There may even be a reality TV show here (if it works out, I get ten percent of your take – fair is fair). Bob
Quoting: “Because no matter how many replies I can think that a person will give me, always, every single time, someone throws me for a loop and replies in a way I never expected. And it can be demeaning, or insulting, or in some way cause me to feel like an idiot.”
If they can’t respond to you and/or your ideas in a constructive fashion (and that does not mean that they have to agree with you, rather that they have a clear, well thought out, logical response) then they are not worth your time. They are responding in such a fashion because of some issue they have. Besides, insults are the lowest form of wit.
Now, if they do have a clear, well thought out, logical responce, then take the time to think about what they said. Use their arguments/comments to clarify and sharpen your ideas and views. If the two of you still can’t see eye to eye, then accept that and go on. But walk away having used the experience to learn – about them, the world, and yourself.
“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.” – Albert Einstein
Quoting: "Because no matter how many replies I can think that a person will give me, always, every single time, someone throws me for a loop and replies in a way I never expected. And it can be demeaning, or insulting, or in some way cause me to feel like an idiot."<br/><br/>If they can't respond to you and/or your ideas in a constructive fashion (and that does not mean that they have to agree with you, rather that they have a clear, well thought out, logical response) then they are not worth your time. They are responding in such a fashion because of some issue <i>they</i> have. Besides, insults are the lowest form of wit.<br/><br/>Now, if they do have a clear, well thought out, logical responce, then take the time to think about what they said. Use their arguments/comments to clarify and sharpen your ideas and views. If the two of you still can't see eye to eye, then accept that and go on. But walk away having used the experience to learn – about them, the world, and yourself.<br/><br/>"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." – Albert Einstein
Hi Bob.. I’ll reply to your reply first.
My first thought to your reply was… am I doing it wrong? LOL. Hrmph. Deeply ingrained these feelings are. Now I’m talking like Yoda. And my next thought is, heck there is no such thing as wrong. I’m not too keen on the judging panel idea… I don’t like being judged. 
I even hate the eye-doctor, because I feel like I’m failing that darn test. Which is better, 1, or 2? 2, or 3? Ugh! I will take your reply most as a compliment. LOL
Hi Bob.. I'll reply to your reply first.
My first thought to your reply was… am I doing it wrong? LOL. Hrmph. Deeply ingrained these feelings are. Now I'm talking like Yoda. And my next thought is, heck there is no such thing as wrong. I'm not too keen on the judging panel idea… I don't like being judged. 
I even hate the eye-doctor, because I feel like I'm failing that darn test. Which is better, 1, or 2? 2, or 3? Ugh! I will take your reply most as a compliment. LOL
RogueHistorian, thanks for your comments. I usually just expect a negative comment… and that is what I prepare for. It’s refreshing, and sometimes odd, when someone says something supportive or constructive. I think when I was a kid, I didn’t learn how to say no, or how to walk away when someone was treating me poorly, or how not to relate to people who were just jerks. I learned that I could do that when I was in my 30s, in CoDA. I wish I would have learned it in grade school instead. It’s so nice, being able to just NOT deal with people if I don’t want to! (okay sometimes I still have to but I’m better at it now, and they sure won’t be my friends!)
RogueHistorian, thanks for your comments. I usually just expect a negative comment… and that is what I prepare for. It's refreshing, and sometimes odd, when someone says something supportive or constructive. I think when I was a kid, I didn't learn how to say no, or how to walk away when someone was treating me poorly, or how not to relate to people who were just jerks. I learned that I could do that when I was in my 30s, in CoDA. I wish I would have learned it in grade school instead. It's so nice, being able to just NOT deal with people if I don't want to! (okay sometimes I still have to but I'm better at it now, and they sure won't be my friends!)
as I said in an email, before I saw this post, it’s a practical thing. enable people without Blogger accounts to comment:) People leave comments when they can do it as quickly as possible, and if they have a blog, and it’s not with Blogger, there less likely to leave a comment. Just a fact, good or bad:P
as I said in an email, before I saw this post, it's a practical thing. enable people without Blogger accounts to comment:) People leave comments when they can do it as quickly as possible, and if they have a blog, and it's not with Blogger, there less likely to leave a comment. Just a fact, good or bad:P
Good plan, I turned it on. I was concerned about spam but we’ll see how it goes.
Good plan, I turned it on. I was concerned about spam but we'll see how it goes.