Luna Tail

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Today is a Good Day to be a Friday

Filed Under (Anxiety) by Cynthia [More Me!] on Jun 23, 2006 12:55 pm

Tagged Under : Anxiety, Work

Went to lunch again with the coworkers. I have been eating awfully the last couple of days. I’ve lost 25 lbs and I want to keep them off. And today the fish I ate didn’t even settle well. I prefer my fruits and vegetables, please and thank you. Back on track tonight and tomorrow. Though I might splurge on a bag of potato chips this weekend, I haven’t decided yet.

So sometimes I say something, doesn’t even matter what it is, just some dumb thing, and I get no reply from people. I don’t understand why people don’t reply. Not even a nod, or a ‘hm’, or anything. When I was a kid I was taught that was super rude, to not reply at all. It’s taking me a long time to understand that I guess some people just don’t have anything to say. But I ALWAYS reply to people, no matter what.

But then sometimes my reply sounds stupid, canned, or irrelevant. What I’d really like to say is “I have no response to that.” But I’ve never had the guts to do so. Not even with my husband. It sounds like such a funny answer, but coming out of my mouth I think it would be stupid.

But then I can say something, an exact same thing as someone else, and it sounds stupid coming out of my mouth, when it sounds perfectly reasonable coming out of someone else’s mouth.

I have a Pod Cycling Competition on Sunday. I hope it goes smoothly. I will take my knitting with me if I’m sitting around a lot. Oh can I knit on a Cycle? Sure why not. Pod Cycling isn’t really Pod Cycling anyway. It’s a secret to keep me anonymous, if you haven’t already figured that out.

But at my PCC I hope I will not be so nervous I’ll be all twisted up into knots. I hope to sit in the shade and watch the other PCers go by. Tuesday night I had a PC Class, and when I drove away, I realized I was wrapped as tight as a ball of twine. I was able to unwind pretty quickly, and I remembered that I’d forgotten to remember to relax. Relaxing takes a whole lot of conscious effort on my part.

I don’t relax easily.

I’m so glad it’s hot outside. I love the heat. I love being in the sun. I love the summer.